
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5310017.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/F, M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Dean_Winchester, Gabriel/Sam_Winchester, Dorothy_Baum/Charlie
      Bradbury, Castiel/Lucifer, Castiel/Michael_(Supernatural), Balthazar/
      Castiel, Lisa_Braeden/Dean_Winchester
  Character:
      Castiel, Dean_Winchester, Sam_Winchester, Gabriel_(Supernatural), Lucifer
      (Supernatural), Michael_(Supernatural), John_Winchester, Zachariah_
      (Supernatural), Crowley, Azazel_(Supernatural), Charlie_Bradbury, Dorothy
      Baum, Adam_Milligan, Jody_Mills, Kevin_Tran, Benny_Lafitte, Garth
      Fitzgerald_IV, Jessica_Moore, Balthazar_(Supernatural), Lisa_Braeden
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Mpreg, Miscarriage, Miscommunication,
      Fluff, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self_Confidence_Issues, Implied/Referenced
      Suicide, Suicide_Attempt, Angst, Rape, Sexual_Abuse, Emotional/
      Psychological_Abuse, Child_Abuse, Physical_Abuse, Branding, Victim
      Blaming, Self-Blame, Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder_-_PTSD, Murder,
      Obsession, Eating_Disorders, Depression, Abusive_John_Winchester,
      Cutting, Underage_Drinking, Unplanned_Pregnancy, Teen_Pregnancy, Pregnant
      Sex, Pregnancy_Kink, Pregnant_Castiel, Eventual_teacher_castiel, Happy
      Ending, Break_Up, Getting_Back_Together, Sibling_Incest, Lucifer_is_a
      Little_Shit, Attempted_Rape/Non-Con, Protective_Dean_Winchester, It's
      gonna_be_a_wild_ride, There_Will_Be_Smut_Warning, But_only_for_the_rape
      and_sexual_assault, Other_Additional_Tags_to_Be_Added, Cas_Can't_Catch_a
      Break, Minor_Lisa_Braeden/Dean_Winchester, Non-Endgame_Lisa_Braeden/Dean
      Winchester, Dean_is_Bad_at_Feelings, This_Is_Why_We_Can't_Have_Nice
      Things
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-11-29 Updated: 2018-01-21 Chapters: 14/? Words: 24329
****** Crying and Screaming ******
by TheDoctorFoundMyTardis
Summary
     Castiel always scrambled at two in the morning to get his work done.
     Dark circles constantly played under his dulling bloodshot blue eyes.
     He never got much sleep, but he kept his grades up. He didn’t have
     many friends, but he made do with only Charlie. Sometimes, after
     dinner, he would find himself in the bathroom with two fingers down
     his throat and the food he just ate, coming back up from his stomach.
     He didn’t look healthy anymore, with his pale skin dotted with
     bruises and scars from his brothers.
     Dean Winchester was a little bit better off. His charming smile
     practically knocked girls dead and sent some guys to heaven. Dean
     didn’t really do his work and he didn’t really want to. His skin was
     beautiful and sun-kissed and covered in freckles that added
     character. People didn’t know that, in his past, everyday his
     alcoholic father had beat him. But Dean always took the beatings to
     protect his little brother. Until one day, Dean couldn’t take it
     anymore, he packed his things, took Sam and drove off in John’s ‘67
     Chevy all the way to Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
     And As they say, the rest is history.
Notes
     Castiel always scrambled at two in the morning to get his work done.
     Dark circles constantly played under his dulling bloodshot blue eyes.
     He never got much sleep, but he kept his grades up. He didn’t have
     many friends, but he made do with only Charlie. Sometimes, after
     dinner, he would find himself in the bathroom with two fingers down
     his throat and the food he just ate, coming back up from his stomach.
     He didn’t look healthy anymore, with his pale skin dotted with
     bruises and scars from his brothers.
     Dean Winchester was a little bit better off. His charming smile
     practically knocked girls dead and sent some guys to heaven. Dean
     didn’t really do his work and he didn’t really want to. His skin was
     beautiful and sun-kissed and covered in freckles that added
     character. People didn’t know that, in his past, everyday his
     alcoholic father had beat him. But Dean always took the beatings to
     protect his little brother. Until one day, Dean couldn’t take it
     anymore, he packed his things, took Sam and drove off in John’s ‘67
     Chevy all the way to Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
     And As they say, the rest is history.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Castiel was doing his morning chores, just a mere five minutes before he had to
get on the bus for school. He continued to move as quickly as possible, but he
knew he wasn’t going to get around to vacuuming that morning and he was scared
for later that day. He grabbed his things, trying to move silently to not wake
his brothers, Michael and Lucifer. The creaking floorboards wailed beneath his
feet and he could’ve cried.
His breathing was suddenly erratic as he heard it, the tell tale groan of
Lucifer waking.
There was the shuffle of feet before the bedroom door swung open harshly,
hitting the wall with a deafening crack.
The sting on Castiel’s cheek was sudden and painful.
“G-good morning, Lucifer” He said, voice trembling at the thought of something
more painful.
Lucifer sneered, breath reeking of alcohol from last night. “What’s a faggot
like you still doing here?” He said, getting in close to Cas’ face, blue eyes
piercingly pissed off. “Shouldn’t you be at school, you little bitch?”
Castiel swallowed thickly, but he nodded, looking to the floor. “Yes… You see I
wa-” The stinging on his face brought tears to his eyes, Lucifer’s hand having
hit the same spot as before.
“And you’re not there. Now Get going.”
Castiel nodded, understanding his cue to leave. With his head bowed to the
floor, he slipped away, making sure to avoid any of the old floor boards.
 
********
 
The bell still rang harshly in Castiel’s ears as he moved from first period to
second period. He was always looking around the hallways, seeing only blurry
faces of passersby he didn’t really know and part of him longing to know them.
He made it to math barely on time, sliding into his seat in the back corner,
facing the door.
The halfway bell rang quietly and at that moment, someone pushed their way into
the classroom, all embarrassed smiles and apologies. Cas stared, his head
tilted. He hadn’t seen this one before.
“Gosh I’m sorry, ma’am. New and lost and yeah.” The teen rambled slightly for
another minute and Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of him. The teen was
gorgeous. All smiles and sun-kissed skin, that was about all he could make out
of the teen from this distance.
“Class, Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester, Class. Now sit… Before you embarrass
me any farther” 
Dean laughed, a nice full bodied laugh and plopped down in the only available
seat -The one in front of Castiel. Dean, of course, turned immediately in his
seat to say hi to the person behind him. The teen stared at the black messy
haired boy sitting at the desk. His eyes trailed over the teens pale, slim face
and pink full lips. He cleared his throat, after gaping at the other teen.
“How’d you get that bruise?” He said, pointing to the fresh bruise on Castiel’s
cheek.
Castiel’s hand flew to his cheek, immediately knowing how and when it got
there. He said nothing but covered the bruise with his hand, writing down the
problems for homework, promptly ignoring Dean.
Dean frowned at the way this person was acting, it was a near exact copy of how
Dean himself used to act when his father had… He shook his head. “Can I at
least get a name?” He said, grinning hopefully.
Cas glanced up at Dean before focusing on the math equations he wanted to
finish before getting home. The clock was ticking and people were beginning to
put away their books. Cas adjusted the sleeves of his favourite grey sweater,
the one his cousin Gabriel had given him for Christmas. “Castiel.” He said
softly, already feeling self conscious of his name.
But Dean only grinned, giving Cas a winning Winchester smile. “Castiel…” He
said, swirling the other’s name in his mouth. “I like Cas.” Dean Winchester,
new student dressed in plaid and a leather jacket, gave Castiel, boring
Castiel. A nickname. “Is Cas okay?”
Cas stared, gaping at Dean. “Uh… Yeah… Cas is… Cas is fine… But… Uh… Bye” He
put away his books, seconds before the bell rang and was out the door before
anybody could even stand from their seats.
 
********
 
It was lunch time now and Castiel didn’t eat. He bought his food and dumped it
into the trash immediately, the stench of it making him want to vomit. He
avoided most human interaction as he could as he grabbed his back pack and
disappeared into the boy’s bathroom down the hall. He threw his bag into an
empty stall and locked himself in it. He heard laughing as he shed his large
sweater off of himself. He dug around in his backpack for a moment until he
found it, his brand new razor blade. Cas’ movements were quick and precise, he
didn’t even need a reason anymore to be cutting into his own skin, mutilating
it.
Castiel didn’t stop as blood dripped down his arm, he didn’t stop when he
started up again on the other scarred arm. And more importantly, he didn’t stop
when Dean Winchester came into the bathroom with his younger brother, Sam,
talking about their days so far.
Dean and Sam stayed in the bathroom, talking. Dean talked about the mysterious
boy in his second period math and Sam ranted about a pretty blonde in his
fourth period history. Dean was silenced when he noticed someone else was in
the bathroom. He was stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the glint of shiny
metal, Cas’ scared blue eyes, and the brief flash of red.
Castiel was forced to move into action, throwing the razor back into his bag
and pulling on his heavy grey sweater. He was panting in fear that Dean would
hit him when and if he exited the stall. Cas slung his backpack onto his
shoulder and bolted out of the boys bathroom, panting as he stumbled over
nothing.
His footsteps echoed throughout the hallways, bumping into several teachers
before he slammed into a taller man. He gasped as pain punched the air out of
him and he hit the floor. He looked up at his legal guardian, Lucifer. “L-
Lucifer…” He said, standing immediately, hands shaking.
“Come on, bitch. Seems you can’t do anything right. Seems you need to be taught
a lesson” Lucifer grabbed him and began to pull him out of the school, grip as
hard as stone. 
Castiel could only follow, glancing back at Dean, who was standing at the very
end of the hallway. Castiel couldn’t make out his face though, he only looked
blurry.
Dean was panting heavily, looking at Cas. He seemed to relax as he thought for
a moment that Cas was in safe hands. He didn’t know why he cared so much about
someone he just met. His father always told him he took after Mary before he
beat him. Maybe worrying about someone he just met was also something he took
after from Mary.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     (in case you don't remember)
     “Come on, bitch. Seems you can’t do anything right. Seems you need to
     be taught a lesson” Lucifer grabbed him and began to pull him out of
     the school, grip as hard as stone.
     Castiel could only follow, glancing back at Dean, who was standing at
     the very end of the hallway. Castiel couldn’t make out his face
     though, he only looked blurry.
     Dean was panting heavily, looking at Cas. He seemed to relax as he
     thought for a moment that Cas was in safe hands. He didn’t know why
     he cared so much about someone he just met. His father always told
     him he took after Mary before he beat him. Maybe worrying about
     someone he just met was also something he took after from Mary.
Chapter Notes
     I'm tryna get a better feel for everything writing and smut and the
     torture scenes from Lucifer. (My friend is willing to proof read my
     terrible scenes woo!) Comments are very much appreciated(Even if you
     don't have an archive account!!)
Cas was dragged back to the house, his arm bruising under Lucifer’s grip. The
basement was Lucifer’s favourite place to go. The smell of Mildew and old sex
was enough to start the process. The rope was pulled taut against Cas’ skin,
irritating the new cuts on his wrist. Lucifer’s belt was undone, slowly, the
sound of leather making Castiel flinch. His mouth was dry as the belt was
shoved into his mouth, the action cutting off his speech and any sounds he
might have made.
Lucifer let his youngest brother’s eyes adjust in the near pitch black, watched
them as they surveyed the scene. Castiel was sweating, his breathing anything
but calm. Lucifer stepped forwards, the weight in his hands was light and
lithe. The only thing Castiel could make out in the darkness was the glint of a
silver blade as it came closer and Lucifer’s pale blue eyes paired with his
wicked smile.
Muffled screams filled the room, floating about the house.
 
***********
 
As Dean went about his day, something didn’t feel right. His leg was bouncing
and he kept glancing at the clock. People in his classes kept asking what was
wrong, but it wasn’t until Sam stopped him did he really notice something was
wrong with himself.
“Dean, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been so… jumpy since fifth period!” Sam
said, grabbing Dean’s arm to stop him from climbing into the Impala.
Dean looked down at his little brother, brows furrowing. “I dunno, Sam” He said
truthfully. “Something just isn't sitting pretty with me…”
Sam shrugged and got in the Impala. “Talk with Bobby about your little
predicament”
Dean looked confused for a moment before waving off his brother and climbing in
after him. “Yeah yeah…”
 
********
 
Cas was gasping for air, his mouth was like sandpaper and he felt like he
couldn't breathe properly. Lucifer had dragged the thin, sharp blade across his
stomach and chest so many times he lost count. His eyes had blinked open with
cleaned wounds that were bandaged. Lucifer didn't apologize afterwards, just
let him drink a glass of warm water before he was placing a blindfold over
Castiel’s eyes.
 
~~~~~~SMUT_WARNING_CASTIEL/LUCIFER_START~~~~~~~~~~
 
All Lucifer had said was “Don't bite, bitch” seconds before something hot and
hard was shoved into his mouth, making him gag but all Lucifer did was groan.
Lucifer had grabbed the back of Cas’ head and was having his wicked way. It had
only lasted a few minutes before short spurts of hot salty liquid was filling
Cas’ mouth. The hardness was gone from Cas’ mouth and Lucifer forced Cas’ mouth
closed. “Swallow you slut!” He said, commandingly. And Cas did.
 
~~~~~~SMUT_WARNING_CASTIEL/LUCIFER_END~~~~~~~~~~
 
Lucifer smirked and removed the blindfold, actually laughing as Cas coughed and
choked on the horrible taste that seemed to sear itself into his mind. Castiel
was left to his own devices as he sat, trembling in the chair. He moved
upstairs and stayed in his room, refusing to get out unless he had chores to
do.
 
***********
 
In second period, Dean would turn around in his seat, expecting to see Cas. He
felt he needed to confront the other teen about the self harming issue at hand,
but Castiel hadn’t shown up to school that day. Dean sighed, turning to
actually complete his work.
 
…
 
Castiel didn’t show up the next day either.
 
…
 
“Castiel?” Miss. Harvelle said for roll call.
There was no answer but silence in the class room.
 
…
 
It was a week before Castiel showed up in class again and Dean noticed he
seemed different. Cas didn’t talk but he seemed to be shaking lightly and
constantly looking around. Dean touched his shoulder and Cas jumped about
eighty feet in the air, smacking Dean’s hand away and breathing heavily. “S-
sorry…”
Dean shook his head, withdrawing his hand. “No, It’s okay, I startled you. “Do
you wanna sit with me and my brother at lunch?” He said, leaning onto Cas’
desk, smiling hopefully.
Cas stared before he slowly shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t eat anything,
school food makes me nauseas…” He said softly, half lying. He didn’t think
there was anything wrong with himself, but the way Dean was eyeing him felt
like maybe there was.
Dean nodded. “Oh. Well I’ll start bringing you food from home, if it bothers
your stomach that much.” He said and smiled. “You’re ‘bout the size of a twig,
gotta get some meat on those bones, you don’t look very healthy.”
Castiel looked at himself, simply not understanding what Dean was saying, he
was not the size of a twig, he was fat and ugly. Or at least… That’s what he
told himself every time he looked in the mirror. “Um… Okay,” He said, trying to
smile, but it didn’t happen.
Dean looked concerned. “Cas… Are you alright?”
Cas looked up at the clock, the period seemingly having moved faster than what
Cas was used to. “I’m fine, Dean.” He said as the bell rang and he was gone.
But Dean knew one thing; Fine never meant fine.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Summary
     Castiel looked at himself, simply not understanding what Dean was
     saying, he was not the size of a twig, he was fat and ugly. Or at
     least… That’s what he told himself every time he looked in the
     mirror. “Um… Okay,” He said, trying to smile, but it didn’t happen.
     Dean looked concerned. “Cas… Are you alright?”
     Cas looked up at the clock, the period seemingly having moved faster
     than what Cas was used to. “I’m fine, Dean.” He said as the bell rang
     and he was gone.
     But Dean knew one thing; Fine never meant fine.
Chapter Notes
     Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update! I've been a little swamped
     with school and my own mental issues(but that's no excuse.) I'm
     really REALLY sorry and I'll make it up to you by posting every
     Friday, starting this upcoming Monday. Is that okay? Let me know!!
     And remember to comment, I'm still embarrassed and really insecure
     about my writing, so if you like it, tell me what you like and what I
     should change that you don't like. I'm very open to suggestions!
     Because every idea is a good idea!! ~~
Cas’ eyes moved quickly over every surface there was, heart pounding and hands
shaking. He kept looking back over his shoulder as if someone was following
him, but every time there was no one. Still, he feared that Lucifer would be
there behind him, Waiting. A hand clapped down on his shoulder and Cas shrieked
in surprise, not looking up and he fixed his eyes to the floor, trembling. He
felt like he couldn't breathe, everything was closing in around him and his
vision was getting blurry with tears. And then he could breathe, vision
returning.
“Cas? Are you alright?” A  concerned voice drifted into Cas’ ears and Cas
relaxed. Not Lucifer. He looked up and saw Dean.
“Yes I'm… I'm okay” Castiel said softly, brushing off his sweater  as his
breathing returned to normal.
“Are you sure… Cause you didn't seem so okay a minute ago.”
Cas nodded. “I'm okay”
Dean frowned but he nodded, accepting it for the time being. “So you're gonna
sit with me and Sam at lunch, right?”
“Sam and I” Cas said, correcting the only slightly taller teen as he looked at
him.
Dean nodded thoughtfully at Cas’ comment and he chuckled. “Yeah. You're right.
 So are you gonna sit with Sam and I at lunch?”
Castiel nodded, afraid to disappoint Dean. “Yes… if you want.” Dean grinned
happily, guiding Cas to the lunch room.
 
*************
 
Dean found out that Cas actually shared several classes with him after lunch.
He also found out that Cas enjoyed playing and listening to the piano. So Dean
took it upon himself to introduce Cas to classic rock. Very excitedly actually.
He all but forced Cas to listen to Led Zeppelin and ACDC but instead of being
upset, Cas listened to all of it, very accepting of Dean’s choice in music.
After Dean had played his music, Castiel very shyly showed Dean his favourite
songs on the piano -playing them off of youtube of course.
Dean loved them, smiling excitedly at Cas. “You’ll have to play me the piano
one day”
Cas gaped at Dean, nervous and shocked. “W-what?” He said, slightly panicked.
“No, I-I’m… I’m not that good.”
Dean rolled his eyes and hooked his arm around Cas’ shoulders. “I’m sure you’re
amazing. You’ll have to come over to my Uncle Bobby’s house, he might have one
stored away in his junk somewhere.”
Cas looked at Dean, worrying at his bottom lip. He was a little rigid under
Dean’s arm at first, but ever so slowly he relaxed because he knew it wasn’t
Lucifer. The longer he stared at Dean, the more he relaxed. And the more he
relaxed, the more he noticed Dean’s little freckles and bright green eyes. He
stared, seemingly getting lost as he examined the slope of Dean’s nose and he
was snapped out of it when Dean’s hand waved in front of his face. Cas seemed
to jump back into thoughts that weren’t just his new friend, hearing Dean’s
deep chuckle reverberate through him.
“Earth to Cas? You okay, buddy?”
“Y-yeah… I’m fine… And Maybe I’ll play for you one day… Maybe”

*************
 
At the end of eighth period as Cas was rushing out the door, Dean was all but
begging Cas to help him with a sex ed. project. Castiel very adamantly refused,
claiming to know nothing about the subject. Dean followed him to the buses,
still begging and pleading.
“Come onnnn!~”
“No. I know nothing of the sort.”
“It’s just a small thing! Plus you’re smarter than me!”
“No.”
“We can research it together, and I’ll make you snacks”
“No. And I do not care for snacks.”
“Casssss. Please. Just this once?”
Cas caved as he looked back at Dean, giving into the sad puppy dog eyes Dean
had been dishing out. “I…Fine…” He said softly, all the while knowing he would
get punished harshly.
 
*************
 
As Cas tried to help Dean with his project (which mostly consisted of Cas not
really doing anything other than listening to Dean’s music), Dean had the
occasional question for Cas, which Cas found he was actually able to answer.
After a while of listening to nothing but Led Zeppelin and ACDC, Cas fell
asleep on Dean’s bed. He only meant to rest his eyes, but had wound up curled
into Dean’s blankets and pillows, snoozing from exhaustion.
“Hey Cas, what do you thi…-” Dean’s voice trailed off into silence as he
finally noticed that Cas had fallen prey to sleep. He smiled and studied Cas,
much like the other had done that afternoon. He all but breathed in Cas’ pale
skin and tousled black hair, splayed out on his pillow. Dean found himself
wondering why Castiel’s eyes always looked so sad and he desperately wanted to
know what would put that spark back in them. His eyes trailed along Cas’ lithe
body, saw the way his legs tangled around blankets as he slept. And that’s when
he finally admitted to himself that he thought the other teen was beautiful.
Self-harm scars he knew were there and all.
Dean smiled to himself and went back to working on his project when a phone
went off, enough to make Cas turn, but not enough to wake him. He knew it was
wrong as he picked up Cas’ phone, and he knew it was worse when he opened the
messages. Dean felt anger bubble inside the pit of his stomach as he read the
messages as they poured in.
‘Where are you, slut?’
‘You have chores to do.’
‘Dinner to make, faggot’
‘If you don’t come home RIGHT NOW, you’re gonna get the same treatment as last
week.’
‘I’m going to beat you so fucking hard, Castiel.’
‘WHERE ARE YOU?’
‘Get your ass home NOW’
The phone was ripped from Dean’s hands and he looked up to see a disheveled
Castiel. Cas was panting as tears brimmed in his eyes. And Dean couldn’t help
but think even now, he was beautiful. “I have to go home” Cas’ voice came out
as a croak and his hands trembled.
“No.” Dean said softly as Cas started to gather his things. He tried to reach
out to the other. “You’re not going home… You can’t, Cas…”
“I do, Dean. You don’t understand! I have to go, Now! I’m leaving.”
And before Dean could catch up to him, Cas was out the door of his bedroom and
pounding down the stairs.
 
*************
 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!Graphic_violence_and_smut_between_Cas_and_Lucifer
Start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cas practically ran home, breathing heavily when he got there. He slammed the
door open to find Lucifer and Michael sitting at the dining room table, just
waiting. Cas shed his bag and sweater as quickly as possible, steadying his
breathing as he knelt in front of Lucifer, awaiting the first blow. “I’m sorry,
please forgive me. It won’t happen again.” He said, voice barely above a
whisper.
The first blow was sharp and harsh. Cas didn’t dare flinch or make a sound as
Lucifer’s fingers closed in his hair tightly, forcing him to look up.
“Nice of you to be here to welcome us home, slut.” Lucifer sneered, making sure
to spit on Cas to show him that he was less than dirt. “You’re going to do what
you do best -what I taught you last week.”
Cas nodded, but Lucifer still didn’t let him go. “And then after that we’re
going to mark you as our property.”
Cas nodded again and Lucifer released him. With trembling hands Cas undid
Lucifer’s zipper and button on his jeans. He did as Lucifer had instructed in
the week prior. He licked and suckled on Lucifer’s hardening length until he
had come. Michael calmly watched as Lucifer groaned and held onto Cas’ hair
tightly. When Lucifer had finished in Cas’ mouth, Michael stood as Cas
swallowed, used to the taste of Lucifer’s semen already. Lucifer smirked down
at Cas’ broken face.
“Come on, faggot, time to get branded.”
Michael dragged Cas’ light body down to the basement and removed his shirt
calmly and cooly, tying him face first onto a rough, old mattress that was laid
there. Lucifer came down the stairs a moment later, carrying a hot iron in his
hand. Michael forced a gag into Cas’ mouth and hit him on the back of the head
as Lucifer walked closer. He let the burning metal hover over Cas’ skin before
pressing it down on the unblemished skin of Cas’ lower back. Tears stream down
Cas’ face as his skin is burned beneath the metal. If the gag hadn’t been in
his mouth, his screams would be much louder and piercing than the ones that
were being slightly muffled by the gag. It only lasted a little while longer,
but Cas was passed out from the pain.
 
!!!!!!!!!!!!!Graphic_violence_and_smut_between_Cas_and_Lucifer
Over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*************
Dean was concerned when Cas didn't go to school on Friday or Monday.  But he
was even more concerned when Cas did show up, but he didn't sit right and he
looked like he was in so much pain.
“I brought you lunch.”
Cas looked at Dean, any ounce of happiness that had been in them before had
been completely crushed. “Oh. thanks.”
………..
Dean frowned when Cas wasn't there for the rest of the day., not even bothering
to show up for lunch. Dean looked at the lunch he actually put effort into and
he sighed. It had only been a few weeks since he met Cas but he desperately
wanted to protect him, but how was he when he kept running back to his abusive
family?
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean frowned when Cas wasn't there for the rest of the day., not even
     bothering to show up for lunch. Dean looked at the lunch he actually
     put effort into and he sighed. It had only been a few weeks since he
     met Cas but he desperately wanted to protect him, but how was he when
     he kept running back to his abusive family?
It was a warm Thursday, not cold enough for Cas to wear his sweater and it
raised a few questions when he did. Outside, birds were out and singing happily
even though it was the middle of October, so Castiel sat among them in his
thick grey sweater and sunken in eyes. He was hunched in on himself slightly
and his hair looked as if he'd been running his fingers through it all day.
 The last  bell rang and anxiety welled up in Cas at the thought of going home.
Kids poured out of the classrooms, rushing to get home, but Cas sat calmly
among the pounding feet and crumpled papers. He looked up when he heard the
flutter of wings flapping away and for a moment he felt like crying. He stared
at the blue and red birds as they danced in the sky before settling down on
their respective branches again. There were no more pounding teenage feet, only
the occasional straggler. And yet, Cas continued to stare at the birds. He
barely remembered what it was like to be free; to be a bird.
Suddenly he sniffed and there was wetness on his cheeks. He buried his face in
the scratchy but comfortable and familiar fabric of his sweater.  Castiel heard
the familiar jingle of change in a pocket and then jeans as they scraped on the
concrete as the other person sat down. A heavy arm fell around his shoulders
and pulled him closer to the warm chest of the other person, but it wasn't
intruding. It was nice… comfortable even. But Cas didn't want comfort so he
pushed the other away. “Go away,  Dean.” He said, voice muffled by the sweater.
Cas couldn't see Dean so he couldn't see the other teen was smiling.
“Nah… I brought someone who's been askin’ around for you”
Cas looked up at Dean angrily, eyes red with tears. “who could've been asking
for me?!”
A girl stepped from behind Dean, her deep red hair falling over Cas’ face as
she leaned over him. “me.” She grinned as he looked astonished.
“Ch-charlie?” He said as he turned around. “B-but… you… You were in… a
different…” He practically sobbed as he hugged her tight.
“I know… I left you all alone in the middle of the summer… but it looks like
you've had this here Winchester to take care of you…” Charlie smiled as she
hugged him back. Suddenly, she frowned. “You've gotten skinnier. Castiel James
Novak, what have I told you about eating? And take off that damn sweater, it is
too hot for that in the middle of October!” She exclaimed as she began to
wrestle off the sweater. Castiel’s eyes widened and he wrestled back, trying
desperately to keep the sweater on his body. Charlie suddenly reached the
realization and she looked like someone had just thrown a brick at her stomach.
“Cas… You didn’t”
Cas swallowed thickly, glancing at Dean before looking down at the ground,
ashamed. His cheeks were as red as cherries and fresh tears rose in his eyes.
“...I didn’t…” He mumbled, lying through his teeth. Charlie shook her head,
beginning to pull off Cas’ sweater all over again. This time, though, he didn’t
fight her because he didn’t have any more of his strength. Plus, she already
knew. Charlie had pulled off his sweater as tears rolled down his cheeks in
steady streams. She swallowed thickly as she stared at the red angry cuts that
lined his arms. “Where else” She demanded. “Because I know you did. So where
else did you?!” She had grabbed him by his shoulders as she kept her voice
quiet, barely above a whisper. The birds in the trees stopped singing and there
was a stale silence in the little courtyard. Cas didn’t answer, he couldn’t
look at Charlie, or Dean for that matter, but he did find the ground
fascinating. Charlie looked like she was in pain just from looking at Cas. She
started to take him inside, she sent a smoldering glare at Dean over her
shoulder and disappeared in the building with Cas.
She took him into the bathroom and started to unbutton his pants for him, he
smacked her hands away out of surprise. His eyes had gone glassy and his
breathing suddenly picked up pace. His terror filled the room, making the air
seem thick. Cas’ hands shook as he shrugged out of his pants, he didn’t know
why he was so scared, he’d been practically naked in front of Charlie dozens of
times, but now, as her hands reached out, he trembled and pressed his body
against the wall. Shaking like a chihuahua, fresh tears continued to roll down
his cheeks, and soon his breath came out in short, shaky breaths and her eyes
flew up to his face. He was as white as fresh snow and a small bead of sweat
trickled down his face. For a moment, Charlie didn’t know what to do.
She stared as he gasped for air, taking in his bruises and jutting out bones
and it only took her a minute to know that he was being abused. She looked
around the dark girls bathroom, looking for something -anything- that would
take her best friend out of his episode. All she found though was shitty toilet
paper and crumpled up paper towels mixed with used tampons and the all too
strong smell of perfume. Charlie looked at him, Cas hadn't said anything but
still he sat against the wall, trembling in fear.  She did the only thing she
could think to do and she hugged him close to her chest, let him breathe in her
familiar scent. Slowly, she felt fingers close in her shirt and she felt the
other slump against her. “Cas… I'm sorry for scaring you. Come on. Let's get
you all dressed up and we're gonna go…”
“Don't wanna go home… don't wanna go home… don't wanna go home…”
“i know. You're gonna come with me to my apartment for tonight. It'll be just
like the old times… just me and you in our own little world”
“No! I can't. I cant!” Cas cried,tearing away from his best friend. “I changed
my mind… I can't …”
Charlie shook her head as she guided Cas to put his jeans on again. “Dean has
your sweater… he knows that you self harmed and he doesn't think you're ugly…
we're going to get you out of this…”
Cas trembled against the wall still, looking like a frightened rabbit. This was
what he wanted, wasn't it? To be taken from Lucifer and Michael? But something
else seized him and he knew he deserved the abuse he was given. He was used to
it, the hitting and constant degrading. It didn't hurt him anymore, but he was
scared shirtless of what would happen if he went to Charlie’s without prior
permission from Lucifer or Michael. He looked Charlie and something snapped in
his sad eyes. “Okay…” He said softly, feeling himself slowly calm down. “okay…”
Charlie felt the sudden change in Cas and she breathed a sigh of relief. God
how she missed her cute little rebellious Cas.
 
**************
 
After Charlie dragged away a scarred Cas, Dean had been rummaging through Cas’
bag. He knew Cas would have at least one thing to self harm in his bag. He
didn't expect to find three brand new ones along with Cas’ phone that was
blowing up with angry messages from Lucifer and Michael. Dean panicked and
opened the messages as he blocked both numbers before Charlie and Cas returned.
He put everything back in the bag but threw away the shiny blades that clanged
at the bottom of the trash can. When they came back he looked as innocent as a
child, holding Cas’ belongings close. Cas looked at Dean and reached for his
sweater so Dean handed it to him along with all his other things. The birds had
begun to sing again and a light breeze had picked up. The concrete was cracked
and weeds that looked pretty had begun to sprout; dandelions. And for a moment,
Cas smiled.
Charlie nodded at Dean and started walking to the Impala. “Time to go.” She
said, smiling at the now frowning teen. “What’s wrong?”
Cas shook his head as he looked at his phone confused. “It’s just… Nothing,
let’s go.” He smiled again, but only slightly and it seemed forced. She guided
him to the Impala and they all climbed in with Cas in the back, because Charlie
jumped in the front seat after screaming ‘shotgun!’ At the top of her lungs.
Cas had scowled at her and climbed in the back, feeling the smooth interior of
the leather seats.
 
***********
 
Charlie led them inside her apartment as Dean texted Sam to say he would be
home soon and to tell Bobby. As soon as they were inside, Cas was exploring. He
was digging in drawers and looking for things that he could potentially mess
around with. “Cas. Your ‘toys’ are in my room.” She said teasingly. Cas looked
up innocently before moving from the kitchen to get his things. Charlie called
them toys, but he came back with a rubik's cube and some puzzles. He
immediately plopped himself on the scratchy carpet and began to mess around the
puzzles.
Charlie sat down on the couch. “I have comfy clothes for you in the bedroom in
the closet if you want.” But Cas was too focused on the puzzles to get up. He
didn’t respond and he spent hours on the floor, playing with the puzzles and
rubik's cube.
 
**********
 
It was late at night and Dean was gone. It was only Charlie and Cas in the one
bedroom apartment. By then they were comfortable clothes and were cuddling on
the couch under a blanket while Charlie ate popcorn. Harry Potter played on the
screen and Castiel shouted spells with the movie.
…
The movie ended not too long after Charlie had finished finished her popcorn.
The room was dark and Cas was comfortable even as Charlie left to go to bed. He
curled up on the couch they shared for most of their childhood and he fell into
a dreamless sleep. But he was safe and warm and he didn’t get beat today.
Charlie came out of her bedroom when she got thirsty. She looked at her best
friend and felt a surge of anger towards his brothers. She leaned down and
kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Cas… You’re safe” She whispered. “You’re
safe…”
 
 
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Summary
     The movie ended not too long after Charlie had finished finished her
     popcorn. The room was dark and Cas was comfortable even as Charlie
     left to go to bed. He curled up on the couch they shared for most of
     their childhood and he fell into a dreamless sleep. But he was safe
     and warm and he didn’t get beat today. Charlie came out of her
     bedroom when she got thirsty. She looked at her best friend and felt
     a surge of anger towards his brothers. She leaned down and kissed his
     forehead. “Goodnight, Cas… You’re safe” She whispered. “You’re safe…”
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Cas woke up and he felt heavy. His eyelids and everything about himself was too
heavy to lift so he laid still on Charlie’s couch, picking the fuzz off his
favourite bee pajamas. Charlie came out sometime later, but that wouldn’t be
for a while and Cas didn’t do much until then. He stared at the ceiling and
felt like crying so he looked away, but that made him want to cry too. He
wasn’t sure why he felt like crying so suddenly, he didn’t know the feelings
that were welling inside of him. Was it gratitude? Safety? Happiness? He just
couldn’t place it. So when Charlie came out of her bedroom, Cas took one look
at her and started bawling. Of course, she was over in a rush to soothe him,
her red hair in a messy bun atop her head. She hushed him gently, letting him
cry and hang on tight. He looked up at her when he felt he had ruined her night
shirt enough. He sniffed and leaned back, but still held onto her like he was
afraid she would leave. “I should… I should go… They’re g-going to b-be mad…
and We b-both know I deserve it…” He said, trembling lightly. Cas seemed to do
that a lot lately; tremble. Was it because he was always scared?  Always afraid
Lucifer or Michael would be lurking around the corner.
Charlie scowled much like a woman who was reprimanding her children. “Cas… In
no way did you deserve this. At all… You’re my little angel.” She said softly,
holding him close. “And I’m gonna get you through this and so is Dean and the
Police Department because even if you thought about going back you can’t… I
already called the police on them… They’ll go to jail, Cassie.”
Cas looked scared for a moment. “Where will I go? I can’t live here with you
forever… You’re not a legal guardian. The court won’t let me stay here after
they’ve gotten rid of Lucifer and Michael.”
Charlie cracked a small smile. “Nice to know you’ve been keeping up with the
legalities of your situation, Cassie,” She said. “We’ve already got a candidate
and he’s more than willing to support you and help you. He’s kind and he might
look a little rough around the edges, but he’s a great big softie”
“Who?”
 
*********
 
Cas stood awkwardly outside of the house that looked cozy but like it was going
to crash down at any moment. He felt Charlie's hand on the small of His back,
nudging him forward. “Come on we need to surprise the others so knock and meet
your guardian!” Cas looked a little flustered and out of place but he
hesitantly knocked on the door, barely hearing the knock himself. He didn't
know how the person inside would hear it but as he raised his hand to knock a
little louder, the door sung open and revealed a roundish man with scruff and
an old hat that looked like it needed to be put out of its misery.  Charlie was
right, the man looked a little rough but then Cas gasped lightly, rounding on
Charlie.
“This is Dean's guardian, Charlie!” He said accusingly. “I don't wish to be a
burden..!”
Bobby still only stood in the doorway. “Come on inside… Dean and Sam’ll be home
soon and I need someone's help cooking dinner. Those idjits’ll eat anything you
put in front of ‘em.” He chuckled as Charlie nudged Cas forward.
“He hasn’t adopted you yet, he can’t until they’re in jail, but you’re gonna be
safe here.” She said. “You're gonna be okay”
Cas walked silently into the house, the only sound he was making came from the
light steps of his feet on the hardwood. His blue eyes traveled to Bobby and he
looked at the man and he felt shy. “Th-thank you… for… the things you'll be
helping me with… you're very kind…” He said softly. “if there’s anything I can
do… t-to… repay you… i…”
Bobby smiled and thought a minute. “You don't have to do anythin’. But if ya
really want, you can make whatever you want for dinner”
Cas looked confused but he nodded. “O-okay… I'll make dinner…”
“I'll be out back, fixin’ up cars if you need me.” Bobby said before he was
gone.
…
Cas was making dinner silently, letting the sauce simmer as he stepped away
from it to to explore. He was a cat, peeking around corners and digging around
in things he probably shouldn't have been. He was looking through magazines
when he found old piano sheet music and he smiled. Maybe living here wouldn't
be so bad. He carried the music back with him to the stove and laid it
delicately on the counter as he cooked noodles. The house he would have to
start calling home began to smell of his favourite food when he was little. His
mother would cook it even as she fell into her illness.
…
She leaned over the large stewing pot and looked down at her small angel with
his bright blue eyes and black hair he inherited from her. She smiled as he
gazed up at her. “Rember to add it slow, Castiel… or the ‘our cream will
curdle.” Her accent was thick with Russian as she taught him how to cook her
infamous meal.
Young Castiel would always smile and nod, taking the advice despite having
heard it many times already.  “O’ course, Mama!”
Every time she would nod and pat his head gently under her hand that was slowly
beginning to grow bony with sickness and she would always say in the softest of
whispers to him, “Good boy… My little angel”
…
Castiel was smiling fondly as he was taken back to a time when he wasn't sad or
being abused. Taken to a time when he was happy. He heard the door open as he
stirred the food and for a moment he stiffened, scared. “Mm… Bobby what the
hell you cookin’ that smells so damn good?” Dean’s familiar voice flooded his
ears and he relaxed. His reaction to hearing dean was almost instantaneous.
Relief had flooded his system and he had calmed exponentially.
Dean was humming as he walked into the kitchen. He bent and dug around the
fridge for a drink. He snapped open the top and went to drink. As he closed the
door he stared at Cas, can dropping to the floor with a clank and the sound of
fizzing bubbles filled the kitchen.
Cas gasped and immediately dropped to his knees, cleaning up the mess. He kept
apologizing even as he scrubbed the sticky soda substance away with a sponge
soaked in soap and water. “Oh god I'm sorry… I… I didn't mean to frighten
you..”
Dean was shocked as he stared at Cas. “Cas? What are you doing here?”
Cas looked up at dean from his position on the floor. “um… I'm making dinner?”
He said, tilting his head confused. “Its Beef Stroganoff if you were wondering”
Cas stood again and threw away the can of emptied soda, returning to his
cooking.
Dean shook his head. “No I mean… why are you here?”
“In the kitchen? I'm making dinner as ive said… Wait… You mean in the house!”
Cas gasped and looked at Dean. “Gosh I'm stupid… I live here now apparently.”
Dean gaped, blinking rapidly. “Um… Okay…” He said slowly, stepping to Cas. “You
uh… You said you were making beef stroganoff?”
Cas nodded happily. “Mm hmm… my mother used to say,  ‘Добавить это медленно,
или вы будете уничтожить его.’”
Dean blinked, clearing his throat as he shifted slightly and swallowed thickly
as several thoughts passed through his head. “uh… what?”
Cas looked at Dean, humming in response. “‘Add it slowly, or youll destroy it.’
is what I said, is it not?”
Dean shook his head. “No you said that… but um… in… Russian?”
Cas blushed. “My mother was from Russia” He mumbled, glancing at Dean, looking
afraid for a moment.
Dean nodded. “That’s cool. My parents are from Kansas.” He looked at the food
and he reached for it sneakily to try it.
Cas, of course, noticed Dean's plan to take the food and without thinking,
slapped his hand away with a wooden spoon. His eyes widened in realization to
what he'd done as Dean's hand jerked back from getting hit. “I… I'm So...I'm so
sorry… I didn't…”
All Dean did was laugh, though. “Feisty, I like it” He winked and watched as
Cas’ cheeks flared dark red. Cas turned away, his blush not settling down, in
fact he got more red the more he thought about Dean's flirtation. “Cas? You
okay?” Cas nodded, glancing at Dean. Dean noticed his darkening cheeks and he
chuckled. “Sorry for makin you flustered, I'll go get Sam so you can meet him”
Cas nodded again.
…
Dean practically dragged his younger brother to meet Cas. “Cas!”
Cas looked up from where he was studying the music he had picked up from
before. “Hm…?” He hummed absently. “Oh! Hello. You must be Sam.”
Sam smiled and nodded. “And you're Castiel. Dean has said lots about you” Dean
had the good grace to blush and he covered Sam's mouth, embarrassed.
Cas gave a small smile. “I hope its all good things” He said nervously
Dean nodded, smiling at Cas. “Only good things. I could never bad talk you.” He
said flirtatiously as Cas’ cheeks flared up once again.
Sam looked up at Dean before looking at Cas. “Don't mind Dean. He flirts with
everyone”
Dean watched as the slight happiness faded in Cas’ face and his blush calmed
down. His eyes widened and he frowned. “Sam… wait Cas thats not…-” But it was
true and both him and Cas knew it. He watched as Cas swallowed thickly, looking
suddenly sad.  In that moment, Dean could practically feel Cas’ feeling of
inadequacy rolling off of him in waves. “Cas…”
Cas looked at Dean with a small smile. “No… I uh… I have to check on the food.”
Dean watched him walk back to the kitchen and Sam finally seemed to understand
the situation. “Oh. Sorry Dean. But it's true.”
Dean looked down with a sigh. “Yeah… I know.”
 
*********
 
Bobby came in when dinner was done and Cas served everyone their food. He gave
himself a small portion, used to not eating anything anyway but Bobby had
insisted that Cas take food. Cas sat still at the table, waiting for everyone
else to eat first. Bobby started eating and Dean and Sam followed as soon as
they got their food. Cas didn't start eating and he didn't move. Bobby noticed
Castiel wasn't eating and looked at him. “Go on. Eat. You don't look like live
eaten in a few months”
Cas looked at Bobby and tilted his head. “Well That's because I haven't...” He
said questioningly. “The most I've eaten is about a piece of bread.”
Dean's fork slipped out of his hand and clanged onto the table, staring at Cas.
In fact everyone's eyes were on him and he stiffened, fingernails digging into
his palms. He looked down at his lap as small amounts of blood formed crescent
moons in his palms.
Dean looked at Cas. “You’re okay. You can eat. We're not gonna hurt you…” He
said with a small smile, waiting for Cas to take a bite of food before he
continued himself. “You're safe”
Chapter End Notes
     Hey what's up? Merry Christmas!! You know something bad is gonna
     happen when somebody ends a chapter the same way as the previous one,
     am I right?? It's a little less angsty at the moment but believe me,
     all in due time my friends ;)
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean's fork slipped out of his hand and clanged onto the table,
     staring at Cas. In fact everyone's eyes were on him and he stiffened,
     fingernails digging into his palms. He looked down at his lap as
     small amounts of blood formed crescent moons in his palms.
     Dean looked at Cas. “You’re okay. You can eat. We're not gonna hurt
     you…” He said with a small smile, waiting for Cas to take a bite of
     food before he continued himself. “You're safe”
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Cas was confused when he didn’t receive any messages from his brothers. His
brothers were angry when he wasn’t home within the hour, and it had been a few
days… So shouldn’t his phone be blowing up in messages from Lucifer...? It was
probably wrong of him to expect angry text messages from them, but it almost
felt -in it’s own twisted way- that he was loved. And that was pretty fucked up
in itself. So, he spent the weekend curled up under an old blanket in a corner
of Dean’s room (Because it smelled nice), staring at his phone. He didn’t play
games and he didn’t move. Sometimes, Dean would come in with a snack and sit
with him. They never talked and Dean didn't press it. He sat in that corner,
his only motivation to move being to use the bathroom.
…
Staring at his phone in the darkness at four in the morning, waiting for it to
light up in angry texts, his phone found itself without any battery and died.
Cas stared at the blank screen and then looked around the dark room
frantically, searching.  He stood, blanket still wrapped tightly around his
lithe frame. He dropped it before going into the bathroom. His face was eerily
blank as he looked at himself in the mirror.  Voices started quiet whispering
inside his head. He couldn't look at himself anymore.
A crash sounded and Cas’ eyes looked down at his clenched fist that was now
dripping blood onto the floor. “Oh.”  
The voices crescendoed, screaming at him inside his head, shouting abuse and
angry words. He held his head in his hands and looked at the shattered mirror.
Cas crumbled to the floor, drawing his knees to his chest.He knew he was
sinking deeper into the abyss, but he wanted to reach out and cry for help; to
be saved. But he didn’t know how.
He didn't know he was screaming until strong arms were wrapped around him. They
held Cas close, letting him sob into his chest. But Cas should've known when he
looked up that it was Dean. He should have moved from Dean, gotten away,
pushed  him away. But he did the exact opposite. In fact, he held him closer,
gripping Dean's shirt in tight fists because he actually felt safe for once.
Cas felt gentle fingers run up and down his back in soothing motions and he
slumped against Dean. “Youre okay… It's okay… You're safe…” Cas heard himself
repeat the words, but they sounded empty and meaningless, even to his own ears.
Dean shook his head and pulled back to look at Cas. “I know you don't believe
it, Cas… but you're safe here with me- us! You're safe with us.”
Cas didn't miss the slip up, but he chose to ignore it, because who could
really care about someone as messed up as him? He’s ugly and he hasn't eaten or
slept in days and there were scars and fresh bruises and wounds on his body.
 Why would anyone care about a beaten puppy? But he knew he felt safe in Dean's
arms, so he closed his eyes and his tears reduced to nothing and his once loud
sobs had become nothing more than gentle sniffles. Maybe he could be safe with
Dean. Would Dean care about a broken puppy?
 
**********
 
Dean spent that same weekend, looking after Cas, making sure he was alright,
but silently. He didn’t actually say anything to Cas, only watched him a little
creepily. It was the middle of the night when he heard the shattering of glass.
It wasn't even a minute later when broken sobs and screaming pierced his haze
of sleep. Dean got out of bed and walked to the only bathroom in the upstairs
where he promptly got on his knees and hugged Cas. His shirt got wet with tears
and it probably was going to be stretched from Cas’ unrelenting grip.
…
After a while, Cas fell asleep in his arms and if Dean tried to move even a
little bit Cas would grip him harder and mumble into his chest. Dean decided to
just rip the bandaid off and he stood with Cas wrapped around him. Cas mumbled
a moment, but he nuzzled and fell back asleep. He laid on his bed with Cas and
drifted off with the smaller frame of the other wrapped around Dean. Well Cas
was certainly in for a shock in the morning.
…
Castiel’s eyes blinked open and he snuggled into Dean’s chest, his ears
suddenly filling with a gentle thumping. He mumbled, moving his head away, but
 nuzzling his  face into Dean's neck. His eyes flew open in the realization
that the thing he was cuddling up to was a living breathing human. He gasped
and jerked back, breathing heavily as he looked at Dean's face. He looked down
at himself, seeing his clothes. He felt them, to make sure he was still wearing
them.
Dean looked at him with tired, bleary eyes. “Hey Cas? What's wrong…?” He said,
sitting up. “You fell asleep in my arms this morning… So I just carried you
here because you wouldn't let me go… and I just let it happen…”
Cas still sat apprehensively, looking at Dean as the other laid back down. “You
didn't… You didn't do anything to me?”
Dean jerked up, suddenly wide awake. “Cas? Why would you think that?” He said,
looking concerned.
Cas looked embarrassed, tears filling his eyes. “I… No reason… I'm just used to
it…” He looked down at himself, toying with his shirt nervously.
Dean sighed and opened his arms. “You're taking a few days off from school…
Come here…” Cas fell into them, holding onto Dean much like he had last night.
“you'll never have to experience anything like that in your past again… You're
safe, okay? You're safe …”
Cas trembled as he sniffed and pressed into Dean. “Okay… I'm safe… I feel safe…
Safe…” Cas wiped his eyes and looked up at Dean. He pressed his hands on Dean's
face gently, cupping his cheeks. “I feel safe… with you” He whispered as he
looked at Dean's surprised and a little confused face before Cas let his eyes
flutter shut. He leaned in close and pressed his lips against Dean's in a
gentle kiss. Cas was shocked when Dean's lips pressed back, but he didn't stop
the pleasant sensation. It wasn't pressing or demanding, but it was soft and
intimate and warm instead. And Castiel felt safe. He didn't feel the need to
run away or hurt himself. It felt safeand It felt right.
And maybe, just maybe, Dean  could  care for a beaten puppy.
Chapter End Notes
     Hey guys, loving hearing from you in comments, my tiny heart swells
     like the damn Grinch evertime I get one, so please do. Even if it's
     just saying how dumb or cute something is. Suggestions, predictions
     and anything else is welcome as well! So please don't be shy...! See
     you soon, my lovelies!~
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Summary
     Cas had never been particularly shameful of fresh cuts because he
     always had a reason but feeling the blood escaping his body made his
     stomach twist in guilt. He shuffled on wobbly legs to his locker. He
     looked up at Dean and more tears flooded his eyes and spilled down
     his cheeks in silent waterfalls.
     “Cas?” Dean said frantically. “Cas what's wrong? What happened?” Dean
     looked over Cas’ body when he noticed it. The thighs on Cas’ jeans
     were getting so subtly darker and a small stream of bright red blood
     had found itself beginning to drip onto the perfect white of the tile
     below them. Dean cursed and looked at Cas’ sad blue eyes that looked
     as though they were fighting to keep their spark alive.
Chapter Notes
     Hey guys!! What's up?? This chapter does have some smut,-little bit-
     but between the two character we have come to love as Castiel and
     Dean!! I also changed up the summary so that it has a scene from in
     the chapter, do you think that woule be better? Anyways, Enjoy!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Dean kept kissing Cas. He never wanted to stop, but then Sam barged in, looking
slightly panicked. “Dean we gotta- oh.” Sam had drawn up short when he'd
noticed Dean and Cas lip locked with the latter straddling Dean's thighs. He
bristled for a moment. “Dean you're such a cheater! You’re dating Lisa right
now!”
With those words, Cas drew back, hand covering his mouth. His chest constricted
and his breathing became shallow. “You're dating Lisa…?” He said, head tilted
and cheeks flaring red from embarrassment. “Lisa Braeden?”
Dean sighed and glared at Sam. “No. Well Yes. But No.” The warm weight that was
on his legs was gone as Cas moved off of him and he felt cold without him.
Cas’ arms were wrapped around himself and his hands shook as he touched his
lips. “Have I just helped in you being unfaithful?” He said as he glanced at
Dean, struck with panic.
“No” Dean said, climbing out of his bed and shuffling over to Cas. “Well a
little bit, but Lisa and I… we weren't like an official thing… we just… messed
around a bit…” He cupped Cas’ cheek, hoping it would relax him, but it was
slapped away as Cas pivoted 180 degrees and walked out without looking back at
Dean.
“I’m going to school!”
 
*******
 
It was a simple task, really. All he had to do was bring the pencils from one
art room to the other. But of course, it didn't go as smoothly as hoped.
Suddenly, the pencils had gone flying and he was flailing as he fell to the
floor. Cackling laughter filled the hall as Cas scrambled to pick up the
pencils. He’d finally managed to pick them up when he was pushed into the
lockers by a carefully manicured hand. He gripped the pencils close to his
chest as he looked into the beautiful face of Lisa Braeden. It was no wonder
that Dean had picked her.
She let her eyes roam over his old sweater, dark blue skinny jeans and his
simple black converse. She snorted and her wicked laugh filled the halls,
echoing inside of Cas’ head. Lisa suddenly hit him, shoving him harder against
the lockers. “So this is the little cock sucking slut that Dean decided he was
gonna fuck instead of me?” She smirked when the hurt showed on Castiel's face.
“W-what? N-no… I…”
“Did he shove his cock in your ass cause you begged for it?” Her voice took on
a mocking tone. “‘Oh please Dean, I want your cock sooooo bad!’” She crooned in
laughter as her other friends flanked Cas on both sides.
“Cock slut!”
“Whore!”
“No wait, stop…!”
“Bitch!”
“ugly!”
“Who could ever want someone like you?”
Lisa wiped away one of Cas’ tears with one of her fake french tips and snorted.
“Ahw look… the little cock slut is crying…” She said as Cas silently cried
against the lockers. “See you soon, slut.” Her heels clicked as she walked
away, taking her henchman with her.
Cas slid down the lockers, still gripping the pencils as he cried.
…
At the end of the day Dean went to Cas’ locker to leave with him. What he found
made his blood boil. He ran his hand along the sharpie and the post it notes
stuck to Cas’ locker. He read them all frantically. Many of them told him to
die and others called him names. Dean traced over the big and black letters
that stated boldly on Cas’ locker. ‘Cock slut’
…
It was like the first day Cas met Dean. He locked himself in the same bathroom
stall and dug around in his bag. He cried out in frustration when his search
came up empty. He covered his face in his hands as tears slipped down his
cheeks. Cas’ head snapped up when he remembered, he had some hidden in this
very stall. His shaking hands danced over his hiding spot when they pulled back
a blade and he licked his dry lips. The reaction was instant. As soon as his
fingers had positioned the blade, he was blank. He made cut after cut on every
area of skin he could reach. And god did it feel good. Cas finally came to his
senses as he looked at the bloody blade and the deep wounds on his body. He
wiped his red rimmed eyes and pulled his clothes back into their proper place.
Cas had never been particularly shameful of fresh cuts because he always had a
reason but feeling the blood escaping his body made his stomach twist in guilt.
He shuffled on wobbly legs to his locker. He looked up at Dean and more tears
flooded his eyes and spilled down his cheeks in silent waterfalls.
“Cas?” Dean said frantically. “Cas what's wrong? What happened?” Dean looked
over Cas’ body when he noticed it. The thighs on Cas’ jeans were getting so
subtly darker and a small stream of bright red blood had found itself beginning
to drip onto the perfect white of the tile below them. Dean cursed and looked
at Cas’ sad blue eyes that looked as though they were fighting to keep the
spark alive. “Come on… we’re going home”
Cas allowed himself to be taken to the car, feeling Dean's warm hand entwined
in his own. For a moment he wanted to take his hand away and bolt. Wanted to
run to his brothers, let them do as they pleased. But he gripped Dean's hand
harder to stop himself from escaping the hold.
Dean guided Cas in the car and then got in the other side. “What are you
feeling?”
“I just want to keep cutting into my skin and thoughts are too fast and I feel
like I can't brea-” Cas was cut off as lips pressed against his own. His eyes
fluttered shut and he kissed back, his hand reaching up and cupping Dean’s
cheek. The feeling of want was instant, he didn't want to hurt himself and his
thoughts calmed down. Dean pulled back and looked at Cas’ flushed face.
“And how do you feel now?” Dean said, letting his lips hover over Cas’ so he
could feel the light pants of the blushing teens breathing.
Cas couldn't focus on anything but Dean, his breathing, his hands on his hips,
and his lips.“I-I-I… I feel… okay…” He said softly. “C-calm… A little
breathless… but I… I'm okay…”
Dean smiled and moved back, his hands moving off Cas’ hips. “Good. We gotta get
you home… clean you up…” Cas couldn't focus but he nodded, allowing Dean to
drive them home.
 
************
 
Cas was sitting at the dinner table with everybody. He was in Dean's old
clothes, a battered ACDC tee shirt and form fitting booty shorts Dean had
insisted that Cas wear. He ate in small bites, only doing so because Dean had
encouraged it. When they had gotten home Dean was quick to have Cas seated on
the bathroom counter. Cas had held onto Dean tightly, trying not to make a
sound as Dean cleaned his wounds with alcohol. Dean had applied an antibiotic
ointment to Cas’ cuts before wrapping them all up gauze. His forearms and
thighs were covered in gauze, as was his lower abdomen. Dean had already told
everyone what happened so they didn't bring it up and upset Cas.
Cas sat right next to Dean, practically on top of him. He was nervous around
Bobby and Sam, but he did feel safe around Dean, so he stuck to him like glue.
He remembered Dean's words from when he was cleaning his cuts.
…
Dean looked at Cas, wrapping his wounds in the gauze with gentle fingers. “Cas…
how are you feeling?”
Cas looked down at Dean, before looking down at the floor. “I… I am feeling
like such a bother… maybe I should just go back to m-” He was cut off again as
Dean's lips pressed against his for the third time that day. And just like the
two other times, Cas couldn't focus on anything except Dean. Dean had pulled
Cas to the edge of the counter as they kissed, keeping his hands on his hips.
“And now?”
Cas panted against Dean's lips and he didn't understand why he felt so hot
under Dean's fingers. “I don't want… I don't want to go anywhere…” He said,
looking at Dean. “And I feel really… wanted…”
Dean gave a little smile and kissed him gently again. “You are wanted…” He said
softly. “So I've noticed that when i kiss you, you calm down…”  Cas agreed,
embarrassed. “So let me be your blade… Whenever you feel like you want to cut…
or when you feel bad about yourself… or when feel panicked like you did before…
Just kiss me instead of hurting yourself… Whenever you want… in the middle of
the night… middle of classes… Whenever you need me…”
Cas hadn't responded then, but he said he would think about it.
…
It was late that night and Cas was actually sleeping when the nightmares began.
One after the other they came. Being tortured so horribly he woke up with a
shout of pain. He grabbed his pillow and slipped into Dean's room. He nudged
Dean awake, looking at Dean's confused face. Cas was trembling as he gripped at
Dean’s shoulders. “Did you mean what you said before?!” He asked frantically,
desperately trying not to run and find an unmarred part on his skin. Dean sat
up slightly, still confused. “Did you mean it?!” Dean's nod was all he needed
before he was kissing Dean desperately. Cas’ mind focused on Dean instead of
his brothers and the itching feeling of wanting to cut himself. He felt Dean's
hands on his hips, gently guiding him into his lap. Cas straddled Dean's hips
willingly, feeling his skin heat up under Dean's pressing fingers.
Dean noticed the change in the way Cas was kissing him and it suddenly felt
less like Cas needed it and more like he wanted to be kissed. Dean moved his
hands from his hips and moved his hands along Cas’ inner thighs, tracing a
searing path along them. He heard a gasp as their lips separated and he looked
at Cas’ flushed face. “Cas? You okay?” Cas nodded looking at Dean with poorly
concealed arousal but it didn't look like Cas understood what was happening.
“Yeah… I'm feeling much better… and whatever you're doing with your hands…
you're making me really hot.”
“Do you want me to stop?” Dean said, kissing Cas gently.
Cas shook his head, practically basking in the sensations Dean was providing
 as his hands slipped into Cas’ shirt. “N-no… don't stop…” Dean allowed his
hands to travel up Cas’ chest, rubbing his thumbs on Cas’ nipples. He was taken
aback by Cas reaction by it. He was expecting light pants or even a little
gasp. Cas moaned involuntarily, his back arching to seek more from Dean's
hands.
“Shit… god you're so fucking sensitive” He said as he mouthed lightly at Cas’
neck. He nipped at Cas’ collar bone, drawing more erotic sounds from the other
teen.
Cas was panting, still trying to get more from Dean's teasing fingers.”Dean…”
He moaned, wanting, his fingers tugging lightly at Dean's hair. His skin was
alight and buzzing from pleasure, but he wanted more. Almost on impulse, he
rolled his hips forward, a silent demand for more. “Dean… I'm so hot…”
Dean was having a hard time processing that Castiel was this lewd, demanding
without saying anything, with his legs spread and moaning so wantonly into
Dean's ear. It wasn't hard to say that Cas had probably never felt this
pleasure before or any at all, really. So Dean was going to give Cas pleasure
and not demand that Cas return the favor. He swallowed thickly. “How about we
take your shirt off then, if you're feeling so hot?”
Cas nodded, sliding out of his shirt and feeling the cool air glide across his
skin. Goosebumps rose on his skin, causing his pink nipples to perk even more
than they already were. Cas moaned, gripping Dean's shoulders as the other
sucked hickeys on his collar bones and chest. He was pliant under Dean's
fingers as the other teens hands crept up his thighs, allowing his legs to
spread wider. Dean mouthed and swept his tongue over Cas’ sensitive nipples.
Cas’ eyes widened and he moaned deeply, his hips jerking forwards, chasing the
warm heat of Dean's hands at the same time his back arched to receive more from
Dean's mouth. Dean finally gave in and massaged his hand along the bulge in
Cas’ biker shorts. Cas’ head fell back and he moaned again, small string of
curses tumbling from his mouth.
Dean rubbed his thumb along a small patch of wetness in the shorts, groaning at
the way Cas rolled his hips into his hand. Cas was gasping for breath as Dean
rubbed and teased his cock beneath skilled fingers. “More…” He heard himself
croak before Dean was dipping his hand into Cas’ shorts and freeing his poor
neglected cock. Dean moved his hand in long and slow movements along the length
of his cock while his tongue continued to flick and tease Cas’ nipples. Cas had
gripped at Dean’s shoulders in a sudden strength as he trembled in Dean's lap.
Moans hadn't stopped leaving his lips and occasionally his hips would jerk into
Dean's hand, until Dean kissed up Cas’ neck and whispered, “Cas… you can come…
you don't have to wait. Just let go”
Cas cried out in pleasure as he shuddered violently, the most explosive feeling
coursing through him as he came, spilling over Dean's hand. Dean stroked Cas
through his orgasm, letting the other teen tremble from the pleasure of his
first orgasm. Dean reached to the side and cleaned off his hand with some
tissues. He kissed Cas gently.
“Come on… let's get you into bed…” Dean said with a small smile as he guided
Cas’ shirt back on. Cas was pliant and soft under Dean's hands, moving wherever
Dean guided.
Cas looked up at Dean in a sort of haze. “Will this happen everytime we kiss?”
He said sleepily, nuzzling into Dean as they laid down.
Dean gave a chuckle. “Only if you want it to”
Cas mumbled a response but he was already too far gone into falling asleep for
it to make sense to Dean.
…
Cas woke up to Dean's alarm in the morning, no nightmares having wrecked havoc
after what happened last night. He snuggled into Dean's chest, thinking about
last night. What did that mean for them? Was it just a comfort thing or did
Dean want to do it? Would it happen again or was that the only time?
Dean woke to Cas snuggled into him so he chuckled lightly which caused Cas to
look up at Dean with bright red cheeks and a shy expression. He smiled at Cas
and Cas looked embarrassed. “Good morning”
“My apologies for last night. I don't know what came over me.”
They both spoke at the same time and Dean looked surprised at how readily Cas
had brought up last night. Dean yawned. “Why are you apologizing? I’m more than
happy to take care of you when you get horny.”
Cas still looked embarrassed and he mumbled, but Dean couldn't hear.
“Hm?”
Cas flushed darker and glanced at Dean. “I… I only… get h-horny when you… kiss
me…” Dean leaned down and kissed Cas gently. Cas’ heart fluttered for a moment
but he kissed back.
“Horny?”
Cas shook his head, his heart pounding in his chest from the delicate way Dean
had kissed him. “Just a little fluttery”
Dean chuckled lightly and kissed Cas again, the way he usually did with his
hands on his hips as he pulled Cas against him. Cas's eyes widened for a moment
before they closed and he was kissing back enthusiastically.  His heart pounded
and he felt his skin heat up under Dean's fingers just as it had last night and
every other time before. Dean pulled back when he felt the tell of Cas’ body
rolling into the kiss. “Horny?” Cas was panting and Dean already knew the
answer, but he wanted to hear it. He felt Cas nod against his shoulder as the
other tried to calm. Dean let him, not wanting to push Cas to new limits. Cas
looked at Dean with half lidded eyes and bright red cheeks.
“We should be getting ready for school…” He whispered just as Sam barged in
again without knocking and shouted. “WE GOTTA GET READY FOR SCHOOL!!!”
Dean laughed and nodded. “Alright alright. Come on.” He kissed Cas gently.
“Let's go”
Chapter End Notes
     I hope you liked it (Still a little new at writing smut!) And as
     always leave a comment because I read every single one and they make
     my heart warm and fuzzy with happiness. <3
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Summary
     Cas was trembling as more and more homophobic slurs floated into his
     ears. Shouldn’t he have heard enough to not be hurt anymore by them?
     His breathing quickened as he thought about the things they were
     saying. He also remembered what Lisa said before. He couldn’t stop
     shaking and the itch beneath his skin grew louder and more persistent
     so he gave in. He didn’t mean to. It just sort of happened as Dean
     told off Alastair and Crowley. He looked up with a blank face when he
     heard the sharp intake of breath from Dean. “Baby… What did you do?”
     Dean had asked gently, looking at the bleeding scratches that lined
     Cas’ forearm.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Cas was walking behind Dean on their way to the Impala after school when Lisa
appeared seemingly out of nowhere. She pressed her breasts against Dean’s chest
and smiled alluringly up at him. “How about we ditch this cock slut,” She said
as she jerked her head towards Cas. “And you fuck me like you did last week in
the back seat of your car.” She stroked a manicured finger down his chest and
to his belt where she started to play with it.
Dean was pushing her hands away immediately, shoving her hands off of him in a
near violent way. He didn’t apologize, more concerned with how Cas would react,
he turned to the other, only to find he had begun walking away. He licked his
lips anxiously, looking between them. “Go fuck yourself, Braeden” He said
before he was jogging to catch up with Cas. He wrapped an arm around Cas’
shoulders as he kept pace with Cas’ fast walking.
“Dean? Don’t you want to fuck Lisa?” He said with a tilted head, displaying his
confusion, but underneath Dean could tell how inferior Cas must have been
feeling.
 “Nah. I’m already dating you, so why would I go and be romantically dishonest
with you?” Dean said, not expecting Cas to sputter and stumble over his words,
suddenly tripping and gripping Dean for support.
“What? We’re dating? Why would you stop your splurge of fucking every girl in
the school to be with me? Me of all people?” Cas’ breathing quickened and his
grip tightened on Dean as he talked faster and seemingly more desperate. “Did
you stop fucking every girl in the school so you could experiment with your
sexuality? Am I just an experiment to you? Am I just another check mark on your
list. Like ‘Bang the gay boy, bet he wants it’ Or is this a pity thing? Or, or,
Are you doing this to make fun of me later or something? Because I-” Cas was
cut off by a gentle kiss, hands loosening on Dean’s biceps as he slowly kissed
back.
Dean smiled. “It’s none of those things, Cas. You’re not just a check mark on a
list. And I’ve known I was Bi since like middle school. And I don’t pity you.
None of this is a pity thing. I promise.” He said gently, wanting to calm Cas
down more than anything else. “Let me prove it to you?”
Cas was still apprehensive but he nodded. “Okay… I don’t know you’re going to
prove it to me, but you can try, I guess.”
Dean grinned and guided Cas back to the Impala where Lisa was still standing in
an angry huff. As they got closer, she reached out and back handed Cas hard
against his cheek. “Fucking,  slut ” She growled, poking a manicured finger
into his chest. “Dean only wants you be-” Dean’s stare on her had suddenly
turned murderous and he slapped her hand away from Cas’ chest.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing” He all but hissed out, as she focused
on him, she looked genuinely terrified before she stuttered and scuttled away.
Dean looked down at Cas, looking worried. “Are you okay?”
Cas was shocked into silence, all he could was nod as Dean guided him into the
car. The rumbling of the Impala brought him back to life as they drove away
from the school
…
Dean made Cas close his eyes, mumbling under his breath about how he hoped Cas
liked sweets. He gently led Cas out of the car and face him towards the
building. Cas couldn’t help himself from smiling in anticipation, it was almost
exhilarating and he quite enjoyed surprises. Dean looked at Cas, chewing his
lip nervously as he told Cas to open his eyes. Cas’ bright blue eyes blinked
open as he looked at the building. For a moment it was silent between them as
Cas took in the information. He gave a small grin, but Dean could see. Cas was
practically like a puppy who had just gotten a new toy, but he refused to let
it show.
Dean smiled at him, glad he had made the right decision. “Go on, get whatever
you like” He said before Cas was all but dragging him inside. As soon as they
got inside, the smell of sugar was overwhelming and Cas practically melted as
the smell of baking and sugar consumed his senses. He never really expressed
himself, but he was eager as he bent at the counter, examining the cupcakes in
the glass containers.
It was this moment that Dean would later claim he ultimately fell in love with
Cas. Maybe it was the smile or the way Cas pointed at the cupcakes, wondering
if he could get that one, but he was too afraid to ask. Or maybe it was the way
he lit up as he got three from being indecisive. Either way, Dean couldn’t take
his eyes off Cas and he certainly didn’t want to.
Cas decided on, of course, one kind, but Dean had noticed the way Cas had been
eyeing the other two. He got one for himself and the three Cas had wanted, but
didn’t ask for. Cas had looked at Dean, astonished. “Dean… You didn’t… You
didn’t have to…” He mumbled, despite being so filled with joy on the inside.
Dean waved it off. “I wanted to. So I did.”
…
When they had the rest of the cupcakes boxed and they were in the car, Dean
smiled at Cas and Cas smiled at him. He leaned in and kissed Cas gently,
feeling Cas lean into it nearly immediately. A cupcake hit the windshield
suddenly and they jumped apart. Dean was immediately angry and looked at the
culprit,  a smirking Crowley, tossing another cupcake gently into the air
before he whipped it at the car. The shout of “Faggots!” was heard clearly
through the car and Cas flinched. Dean glanced at Cas, but he was too focused
on Crowley now. He opened his car door to tell off Crowley, just as another
cupcake whizzed past his ear.
Cas was trembling as more and more homophobic slurs floated into his ears.
Shouldn’t he have heard enough to not be hurt anymore by them? His breathing
quickened as he thought about the things they were saying. He also remembered
what Lisa said before. He couldn’t stop shaking and the itch beneath his skin
grew louder and more persistent so he gave in. He didn’t mean to. It just sort
of happened as Dean told off Alastair and Crowley. He looked up with a blank
face when he heard the sharp intake of breath from Dean. “Baby… What did you
do?” Dean had asked gently, looking at the bleeding scratches that lined Cas’
forearm.
Cas’ own eyes looked down in confusion before they widened. “I… I didn’t… I…
I’m sorry… Please don’t be disappointed.. I really… I didn’t… I…-”
Dean sighed and kissed both of Cas’ cheeks and then kissed him gently. “I’m not
disappointed… You don’t have to apologize…” He said softly, closing his door as
he climbed in. He pulled Cas close, feeling the other snuggle up to him. “What
triggered your panic attack.”
Cas mumbled before he jerked away. “We shouldn’t be in a relationship” He
declared, his hands shaking. “We shouldn’t be in a relationship because I’m too
broken and you need a nice girl who is able to provide children and have sex
right away with you. And I can’t do any of that. You could be happy without me.
With a pretty lady like Lisa Braeden.”
Dean blinked in slight confusion for a moment before he was shaking his head.
“I don’t want anything else. I don’t need sex to be happy. And I certainly
don’t need kids, I don’t even  want  kids. You make me happy, and You’re not
broken.” He said, pulling Cas back and taking one of his hands. “You’re only a
little cracked. Like a dam that’s about to burst, but I’m here to fix your
little crack and we’re going to get through this together as a team.”
Cas was sniffling gently as he looked up at Dean, small tears in his eyes.
“Promise?”
Dean separated their hands and help out his pinky, waiting for Cas to link
them. It took a moment or two, but he did. “I promise, Cas.” He said as he
kissed him gently, their pinkies still interlaced.
…
Dean drove them home and patched up Cas’ scratches with some antibiotic
ointment and a bandage. After the band-aid was on, he kissed every scar and
scratch and cut on Cas’ arms, whispering “I promise” after each gentle kiss. He
knew Cas had more on his body, but he didn’t want to make Cas uncomfortable.
Dean kissed up Cas’ arms before he kissed him gently, wiping away the small
tears Cas had started to shed when Dean started to kiss his scars.
“I’m ugly” Castiel whispered when they pulled apart, glancing pointedly at his
scars.
Dean shook his head and kissed him again,. “You are the most beautiful human
being i have ever laid my eyes on and you're mine. And I think that’s
wonderful.”
“Even with my scars?”
“Even with your scars.”
Castiel looked at Dean hesitantly and held out his pinky. “Promise?”
Dean smiled and hooked their pinkies together. “Promise.”
Chapter End Notes
     Hey, so I know this is kind of a boring chapter, filled with fluff if
     you could consider that not boring(?) Let me know everything you want
     to happen, what you think will happen, anything! Love me some
     feedback. :) Peace out my Lovelies, until next week. ~~Muahw~~
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Summary
     Cas blacked out in that moment and when he came to, he couldn't
     remember what had happened or why his arms were stinging with the
     pain of fresh blood. He looked up sharply when the sound of a plate
     shattering caught his attention. “Dean” He breathed, making a move to
     hide his arms. But the damage was already done and Dean’s body had
     stiffened and his face was clearly showing his heartbreak. “Dean… I…”
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Every morning, Cas was like a cuddly cat mixed with a furnace. He was always
curled on top of Dean and the heat practically pulsated from his skin. So when
Dean woke up cold in the middle of the night to Cas clutching the blankets in
tight gripped fists as small beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, he
honestly didn't know what to do. It only took him a moment to realize that Cas
was having a night terror, and a pretty horrid one at that.
Cas was trembling and gasping for breath. Dean was slightly frantic, but he
didn't know what to do for Cas. “Don't make me… Don't make me go… back…to..
Them” Dean was confused. Go back where? To who? His brothers? He didn't want to
grab or shake Cas, for fear he would startle to other, but he also didn't want
to let Cas ride it out.
Dean was tired, but he had woken up considerably when he saw Cas in this state.
“Cas… Cas you gotta wake up, it's okay you're safe…” He started to uncurl Cas’
hands from the sheets, trying to stop the other from straining himself.
Cas was drunk off his fear, unable to recognize reality or separate it from his
dreams. He pulled away from Dean and his hand whistled through the air before a
resounding smack filled the room. Dean supposed that was his fault and he
didn't blame Cas. It had already happened more than once when he used to wake
Sam from a nightmare. Cas was jerked awake nearly as soon as his hand collided
with Dean’s cheek and he went from scared to horrified as he looked at his
hand. “Dean I…”
Dean shook his head and wrapped Cas up in a tight hug. “It's okay… You were
having a nightmare. That one was my fault” He whispered, feeling Cas crumble
into a sobbing mess into his arms. “How about… I make us some hot chocolate…
And we sit right here and you can burrow under the soft blanket and drink your
hot cocoa and we can watch your favorite movies or shows… Sound good?”
Cas looked at Dean, tears sliding down his cheeks. “You'd want to?” He said
quietly.
Dean smiled and wiped away his tears with a gentle thumb. “If it'll make you
smile… Angel, I'm willing to do anything”
…
Cas was under the blanket and messing with Netflix to try and find a movie he
liked. Dean came up a few minutes later with the hot chocolate, smiling as he
noticed his nestled up boyfriend. “Hey did you find something you want to
watch?”
Cas looked up and then glanced at the Disney movies he was currently hovering
over. “Um… I've never really… Seen… TV shows or watched… Movies…” He looked
away again, afraid Dean would think of him as a loser like everyone else. But
all Dean did was smile brightly.
“Then I have lots to show you is all” He grinned as he handed Cas his hot
chocolate. He sat behind Cas and hugged him “Go on and pick one, baby”
Cas’ face darkened about 90% to a deep shade of red, despite Dean being unable
to see him. “O-okay” Although him and Dean had done some… Sexual activities
together, Cas was --to say the least-- still very embarrassed and nervous
around Dean. His shaking fingers tapped the button and then sipped his hot
cocoa. He had picked Tarzan and he watched to movie with rapt fascination.
Despite watching so intensely, he had finished his hot chocolate and about
halfway through the movie; he slumped against Dean and was snoring softly into
his chest. Dean smiled fondly at Cas. “Alright… Guess you were pretty tired.”
He gently guided Cas to the laying position, letting Cas snuggle up to him. He
stroked his fingers through Cas’ hair, feeling himself slowly drift off as
well.
…
Dean woke up before Cas, just as usual. He gently slipped away, slipping down
the stairs to make Cas a small breakfast. He didn't expect Cas to wake for a
little while, and he was surprised when he heard the thumping of feet
practically running down the stairs. Cas appeared in the kitchen, out of breath
and frantic, only relaxing when his eyes settled on Dean. He was immediately
snuggled up to his back before Dean could even get a word out. “Cas?” He said,
surprised. “What are you doing up, baby?”
Cas continued to keep his face buried in between Dean’s shoulder blades. “I
thought you left me” He mumbled.
Dean turned, letting Cas cling to him as he tilted the other’s chin up to face
him. “I never will” He said gently before he kissed Cas delicately.
…
Cas laid with Dean later, snuggling his chest as Dean played with his hair. He
found he quite enjoyed it when he did this. There was a movie playing in the
background, but Cas found himself drifting off to sleep. “Mm… Dean… You're
gonna put me right to sleep”
Dean simply chuckled, the sound vibrating through Cas in the best way. “Are you
tired?”
Cas leaned further into the hand. “Well… Yeah…”
“Then sleep”
Cas nodded and soon he was asleep.
…
When he woke up later, Dean wasn't with him yet again. And similar to this
morning, he panicked and believed Dean left him.
Cas blacked out in that moment and when he came to, he couldn't remember what
had happened or why his arms were stinging with the pain of fresh blood. He
looked up sharply when the sound of a plate shattering caught his attention.
“Dean” He breathed, making a move to hide his arms. But the damage was already
done and Dean’s body had stiffened and his face was clearly showing his
heartbreak. “Dean… I…”
Dean sighed and began to pick up the pieces of the plate and the food he had
brought for Cas. “It's okay…” He said softly.
Cas looked away, heart pounding and mind racing as his thoughts suffocated him.
“No it's not” He gasped. “I'm horrible. I'm so horrible. I'm sorry, Dean. I'm
not making you happy”
Dean’s head jerked up and he quickly moved the broken plate aside, pulling Cas
into his lap. “Oh Cas… You're so lovely. You're not horrible. And it is okay,
Angel… Because I believe the saying is, ‘Rome wasn't built in a day’” He gently
guided Cas to stand before lifting him into his arms and placing him down on on
bathroom counter. “I'm going to clean you up… And we're going to have a nice
talk about how to stop you from feeling this way”
Cas stared at the ground, looking away from Dean as the other started to clean
him up.
…
Dean sat on their bed with Cas in his lap, straddling his thighs. “Cas we need
to talk about your methods of feeling better.” He said gently. “When you feel
upset, it's not healthy to take it out on yourself” He let his hands glide up
Cas’ back and then back down in soothing motions. “Now you can always kiss me,
always. Whenever you need me, all you have to do is say the word. But you seem
to not want to ask for help. Why?”
Cas looked away from Dean, mumbling his response and trying not to lean into
the warm, inviting touches Dean provided. “Because I think I can solve my
problems on my own…”
Dean continued the slow movement of his hands, simply feeling Cas’ scars and
gentle skin through his shirt, loving the way his hands dipped into the arch of
his back. He silently had to yell at himself for getting slightly aroused at
such a delicate time like this. “But sometimes you have to ask for help,
right?” He only continued when Cas nodded. “But what if I'm not around at that
moment, what are other ways to cope than self-mutilation or kissing me?”
Cas chewed his lip, seemingly searching for the answer. “Um… I could… K-kiss…
Other people.”
Dean’s eyes grew suddenly dark at the thought of Cas being touched or kissed by
another. “Absolutely not.” He growled. “Exclusive. Monogamous. Whatever you
want to call it. The relationship is only between us. Which means you can't
kiss anyone else.”
Cas thought he would shy away from the possessive tone of Dean’s voice like he
would when his brothers used it. But it was quite the opposite and he shuddered
when Dean talked like that. “O-oh… Um… I don't know”
Dean held Cas’ hips and massaged soothing circles onto his hip bones, having
relaxed enough to not use a possessive tone. “What do you like to do?”
Cas leaned into Dean’s touch, cheeks turning dark red. “Um… I quite enjoy…
Playing piano… And drawing… And writing music to play later on the piano.”
Dean nodded. “So how about you draw until I can get you a piano.”
Cas felt himself nod, signing onto healthier options like Dean wanted. For a
moment he felt he would actually get better.
Then the phone rang. Dean moved his hands off of Cas's Hips and gently moved
Cas not the bed.Cas felt cold all of a sudden,wanting to be with Dean. Dean
answered the phone quickly, his demeanor going from calm to nearly ravenous.
“They're going from door to door now? What the fuck?” Dean cursed some more
before he thanked Charlie and hung up.
Cas looked confused, wanting to be nestled in Dean’s arms again. “What's going
on?” He asked softly.
Dean sighed. “Your brothers… They… They really want you back so they're going
door to door looking for you… Claiming to… Be part of the church that is
looking for you.”
Cas suddenly looked absolutely terrified. He'd gotten used to living here with
Dean and he was beginning to feel loved and safe. He felt like the whole world
had been ripped from under his feet. He couldn't breathe as the space and
emptiness began to suffocate him. He heard Dean faintly, but he couldn't find
him. “Cas!” Cas searched blindly, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't move. His
heart was pounding in his chest and he was gasping. “Cas you're having a panic
attack! Focus on me! Focus on me! They're not going to get you! You're safe!”
He felt warm hands cup his cheeks. He felt the world return beneath his feet
and breath filled his lungs. His heart calmed ever so slightly and he could
see. Dean relaxed as soon as Cas’ glassy eyes came back into focus. “You scared
me… I promised you were safe. I'm never going back on that promise.”
Cas held Dean’s wrists limply, steadying himself, assuring himself that it was
okay. He was safe. “I apologize, Dean.”
Dean gave a light chuckle and pressed their foreheads together. “As long as
you're okay. You don't have to apologize.”
…
There were several knocks on the door, followed by the doorbell thrilling
through the house and sending a cold shiver down Cas’ spine. He knew who was
behind that door, and he thought if he ignored them, they would go away. He
wrapped himself in the blanket. The knocks came again, harsher this time and
they vibrated his body. Tears started to pool in his eyes but he stayed curled
under the blanket, pretending this was all just some horrible nightmare.
And hopefully, it was.
Chapter End Notes
     Hey! So I'm really sorry about not posting last week, things got
     really hectic with Snowstorm Jonas(woo! Anyone from the east coast,
     lemme know if you're okay!!)!! And on top of that, I got uber sick!
     But I promise, more chapters and as always, Tell me what you think is
     gonna happen and how you felt about this chapter
     Til next week, my lovelies~~
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean laughed gaily. “Cas! Do you hear that? You're free!”
     Cas heard himself taste the words on his tongue and he nodded slowly,
     looking at Dean. “Free…?”
     Dean nodded and smiled as Cas slowly broke out into a grin. “I'm
     free” Castiel turned around and kissed Dean deeply, happily. “I'm
     free…”
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Dean was downstairs getting snacks for them when he heard the insistent
knocking on the door. With his arms full of unhealthy food, that Cas probably
wouldn't eat, he opened the front door. Now of course, Dean had never seen
Castiel’s brothers so when two well dressed men showed up at the door, Dean
didn't know how to answer.
“Hello, my name is Zachariah and this is my associate, Raphael.”
They sounded like biblical names, but Dean recalled that most Christian
families did that too. He mentally cursed himself for not really paying
attention when and if Cas had said his brothers’ names.
“We're from the church right around your high school. Recently, a young teen
has gone missing and he usually attends all of the youth groups and all of the
teachings of our one and only God. We have reason to believe his brothers,
Lucifer and Michael, might be looking for him. If you have any information on
his whereabouts, please contact us..”
Dean frowned. “Yeah sure, I'll let you know”
The men looked at the snacks in his arms. “May me we ask who you are giving
those snacks to? Can we ask him a few questions?”
Dean shook his head. “No way.”
Suddenly the one named Raphael was pushing himself inside and slamming Dean
against the wall. “Can we ask your friend some questions now?”
Dean coughed as Raphael let him go. “Yeah, let me go get him.”
…
Cas shaken from his trance by Dean. “There are people here named Raphael and
Zachariah.” He said quickly. “What do you know about them?”
Cas looked scared all over again. “They… Hardcore religious and-and…”
“It's fine. Bobby’ll take care of it. I'll bring down Sam it'll be okay”
Cas nodded and curled back up under the blanket, clearly shaken.
…
Dean grabbed Sam and all but dragged him down the stairs. “Don't mention Cas,
act like you don't know him. Heard of but don't know.”
Sam nodded, a set look of determination on his face. Dean disappeared into the
back, knowing he'd find Bobby there. “Bobby.”
“Whattya want, boy?”
Dean looked nervous. “There are men here and more on the way to find Cas.” He
said, watching as Bobby looked confused before he nodded and understanding
crossed his face.
“Tell ‘em to get outta my house.”
…
Dean was back up the stairs and he snuck under the covers with Cas. “They're
gone. But your brothers could show up and they probably will, but Bobby’ll take
care of it.”
Cas popped his head out of the covers, Dean following with a smile. “Dean. I do
not understand why you're doing this for me.”
Dean frowned and took Cas's Hands in his own “I'm doing this because you're a
beautiful and kind human being. And you're my boyfriend. And you deserve to be
safe and away from harm.”
Cas flinched but didn't say anything because he knew it would upset Dean. He
wasn't kind or beautiful and he certainly didn't deserve Dean or any of this.
He felt Dean’s lips press against his cheek. “You're beautiful.” He heard it,
whispered, against his skin. He heard it whispered after every kiss on his
scars until for a moment he felt it. He felt every whispered compliment, every
light kiss, and every gentle touch. And he felt wanted.
And from that point on, Dean told him through kind kisses and compliments that
he deserved to be in the world, every moment he could.
…
It was when they were eating dinner when knocks at the front door echoed
through the house. Cas instantly fell silent and turned into the perfect
soldier, sitting up straight with his hands folded in his lap. Dean smoothed
his hand down Cas’ back soothingly, feeling Cas relax into the touch. The
knocks sounded again and Bobby stood, grumbling about stupid people knocking at
his  door. Bobby was in shock when he opened the door and was greeted with
several police pointing guns with smug Lucifer and Michael standing behind
them.
“You're being charged with kidnapping, Bobby Singer. Either hand over the child
or be arrested and he will be taken.” One of the men shouted. Bobby looked back
at Dean and shook his head with a sigh. And the air surrounding everyone became
stale.
Slowly Cas stood, silently shaking with his eyes burning in anger and tears.
Before he had taken more than a few steps, Dean was kissing Cas deeply, knowing
exactly what to do to make Cas’ knees weak. He felt the other press against
him, gripping his shoulders. When Dean pulled away, hands still holding Cas’
hips, he looked at the officers, eyes traveling to a very angry Lucifer. He
smirked and pulled a very embarrassed Cas against him. “Castiel is my boyfriend
he's staying here for a few days. Yes, his guardians were notified.” He said,
eyes turning murderous as he glared at Lucifer and Michael. “And before you
make accusations here, I think you should check their  dungeon  where they
tortured my boyfriend.”
Their guns lowered and then went back into the holster. They looked between
themselves and then to Lucifer and then to Dean. They looked confused before
they apologized to Bobby and left in their cars. “Damn police ‘ccusing me of
stupid shit.”
Castiel looked up at Dean with wide eyes of shock. “They're gone?”
Dean nodded, smiling. “They're gone and you're safe.”
*****************
Two weeks passed and as Dean and Castiel spent more time developing their
relationship, when Cas cut, they got progressively lighter. At the moment Cas
was clean for 3 days. Dean and Cas sitting on the couch watching a movie when
Charlie called. There was insistent shouting from the redhead and Dean changed
the channel from their movie to the local news.
“... Have been charged with assault and sexual assault on their younger
brother. There are many people in the community who have strong feelings about
it.”
“I can't believe I lived next to these  monsters !”
“They did that to their brother?!”
“Disgusting”
“They deserve to go to hell”
“And many more had much to say about Michael and Lucifer Novak. They are
supposed to face a trial and then face up to life in prison, but the police are
looking for the two men as they seem to have fled the state.”
Dean laughed gaily. “Cas! Do you hear that? You're free!”
Cas heard himself taste the words on his tongue and he nodded slowly, looking
at Dean. “Free…?”
Dean nodded and smiled as Cas slowly broke out into a grin. “I'm free” Castiel
turned around and kissed Dean deeply, happily. “I'm free…”
Chapter End Notes
     You are my lovelies and I aim to please...! And i know that these
     chapters are so boring and short, but I don't want to rush
     anything... Should I speed things up a little? Probably, right?
     As always, your comments make my stomach do a floop and they make me
     very happy...!!
     So dont forget!
     ~<3
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Summary
     As she approached his bedroom door, she heard a one-sided
     conversation.
     There was muffled laughter and Charlie could tell it was Dean. “Of
     course. You know I miss what we used to be, right?” She could tell he
     wasn't completely there, his words were a little slurred and he
     sounded more depressed than usual. “Oh come on Lis, you know I tell
     you everything. It's just hard for me right now ya know.” Charlie
     stiffened. Lisa? Lisa Braeden?
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It was a few weeks later, Lucifer and Michael still in jail and everything
seemed like it would be all okay. Cas was clean for 3 weeks and 2 days and Dean
had never felt happier for the other boy. They were both happy. Castiel’s
nightmares subsided and only appeared every once in awhile.
Cas stretched, yawning at the same time. He ran his fingers through his already
messed up hair and snuggled closer to Dean's side. “Hey there baby, finally
awake?” Cas simply yawned and nodded with a small smile.
“I had a crazy dream, though. There were a baby and some bees and a murderer.
You should've been there.” He paused for a moment. “Well... I guess you were
there but I mean… you. Like real you there.. ya know?” Cas looked up at Dean,
eyes lined with sleep.
Dean chuckled and attempted to smooth out Cas’ hair. “I'll try my best to
really be there next time.” He kissed the other teens forehead. “Promise.”
Cas smiled sleepily. “Thank you, Dean.”
“No problem, baby”
********
It was hours later, Cas still snuggled into Dean's side, movie marathon playing
in the background. Charlie had shown up some time ago for a study session but
was now lounging on a chair upside down, her hair grazing the ground as she
watched the movie with Dean. She was simply waiting for Cas to wake up so they
could study for finals of their last year of high school.
Charlie had decided on Harry Potter about two movies ago, so now they were
watching the third one together, Prisoner of Azkaban. Every once in awhile they
would glance over at Castiel's sleeping form, Afraid of any type of wrath they
would incur from the sleeping teen. It was miraculous how anybody could sleep
this long but Dean didn't dare question it.
During a particularly loud scene, Castiel was starting to stir from his sleepy
stupor. Charlie and Dean turned their heads towards him slowly, Dean being
extra careful to not wake Cas. Cas sat up and stretched like a cat before
noticing Charlie, who had silently managed to fit herself into the upright
position. He smiled happily. “Good afternoon, Charlie. What brings you here?”
She gave a half smile about his forgetfulness. “Uh… we were supposed to have a
study session today so we could ace our finals. That are ya know… coming up
very fast.”
Cas suddenly straightened up, hands flying to his hair before he groaned
suddenly. “Oh, Charlie I completely forgot. I'm sorry.” He pouted cutely as his
hands dropped to his lap.
Charlie smiled. “Well there's still time in the day and I've brought my laptop
and my textbooks so we can always study now if you want.”
Cas nodded gratefully and tiredly climbed off the couch. “We can study in my
room,” he said definitively as he grabbed some of Charlie's things from the
floor and began to carry them up to his room. As soon as he got there, he
plopped the bags down and dragged his study table over. He sat down on the
ground, cross-legged and started placing the textbooks on top. Charlie stood in
the doorway and waited for him to finish. She knew better than to interrupt
him.
Both being super whizzes in math and science, they blew through all of the
practice problems with ease and if one of them didn't understand something the
other surely did. This was how most of their study sessions went. As soon as
they picked up the studying materials for English and history, though, both of
their minds went blank. Thankfully, Castiel was good in English and Charlie was
good at history. What they didn't know was taught to them from the other. A
mutually beneficial relationship.
About 5 and half hours in with minimal breaks and snack times, Charlie watched
as Cas’ eyes began to drool as his words got slower. She glanced at her watch
and saw that it was 2 am, she rolled her eyes, wondering how this always
happened. She watched the pale teen drift off to sleep at the mini table, hand
still clutching his favorite pen in his left hand and resting his head on his
right. Charlie smiled and reached out to him, shaking him gently. “Cas… come on
bud, time to get up to go to bed. I'm sure Dean is all alone in that great big
bed of his…”
Castiel’s eyes drifted open and a little smile appeared on his face. “So tired,
Charles.”
Charlie's gave a small snort at the old nickname and nudged him again “I'm
gonna get Dean, okay? I'll be right back.” She stood and started tiptoeing to
Dean’s room, careful not to wake anyone else in the house. As she approached
his bedroom door, she heard a one-sided conversation.
There was muffled laughter and Charlie could tell it was Dean. “Of course. You
know I miss what we used to be, right?” She could tell he wasn't completely
there, his words were a little slurred and he sounded more depressed than
usual. “Oh come on Lis, you know I tell you everything. It's just hard for me
right now ya know.” Charlie stiffened. Lisa? Lisa Braeden?
“It's just so close… the anniversary… with him and I don't know… I know you
care about me Lis… I know you didn't like him… hell, I don't like him either…”
she heard him groan and her face fell. He didn't like Cas? Then what was all
that cuddling today? What’s all the kissing and the love-iness and the helping
been for? She listened closer. “No, of course, I can't tell him, Lisa! Hearing
that and seeing me would destroy him. I can't do that. No.” Charlie was about 2
seconds from busting down the door and wring up Dean's neck. But as much as she
wanted this to be her battle, it wasn't. And she would have to keep this
information to herself. At least for a little while.
Charlie took a deep breath and gently knocked on the door. “Dean? Cas fell
asleep in his room at his little table. Could you come get him? I'm too weak to
lift him.”
There was frantic movement from inside before the door was pulled open. Dean's
eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed. He cleared his throat. “Yea. I'll go get
‘em. Be sure to sleep in there tonight Charlie. There isn't any way I’m lettin’
you go home this late. Sleep tight, okay?” He said as he lifted Cas up bridal
style, the other boy limp in his arms. Charlie simply nodded, unable to look at
Dean, hoping to the god she didn't believe in that Dean wasn't talking about
Cas on the phone. But she could never be sure. Maybe she would confront him
about it tomorrow when Cas wasn't with them.
**********
At school, in between classes, Charlie grabbed Dean by the ear and pulled him
to the side. She was furious. She'd spent all night thinking about the phone
call between him and Lisa. And she was about 3 seconds from reading Deans balls
clean off. She pointed a finger at his chest. “I'll give you 30 seconds to tell
me exactly what you were talking about on the phone last night with Lisa
Braeden.” Dean looked absolutely petrified of the smaller girl. She could
really pack a punch and she was pissed off about something. “Tell me. Now!”
Dean pressed up against the wall. “Did you seriously listen in on my
conversation last night, Charlie? I can’t believe you! That was private and I
was drunk. I honestly don’t even remember half the things I said or who I was
talking to!” He pushed her away lightly, angry in his voice. For a second, he
looked scared, but it wasn’t from her.
Charlie threw her hands up in defeat, her own anger in her actions. “Okay,
Dean. Whatever. Just make you sure you talk with your boyfriend and not Side
Bitch Braeden.” She grumbled before stalking away.
Dean sided and rubbed his face with his hand before plastering on a smile on
his face and rounding the corner to meet Castiel. He lifted and spun Cas with
ease, laughing as he did so. Cas’ laughter was like the sound of angels
themselves. Cas gripped onto Dean. He knew he was safe in the others’ arms, but
that didn’t stop him from being nervous, afraid of being dropped. Dean gently
placed the other on the ground. “How was English?” He asked as he hooked an arm
around Cas’ shoulders.
Cas smiled at the affection and walked with the other to the cafeteria. “It was
okay. We mostly reviewed for the final and stuff and I’m just worried that I
won’t pass…” He looked to the side sadly.
Dean stopped them, bent a little to be at eye level with Cas and placed his
hands on the other’s shoulders. “Castiel. What is your class rank?”
There was a mumbled reply. “One…”
“And what is your grade in English right now?”
“98…”
Dean nodded and kissed Cas’ forehead as he straightened up. “Baby, I don’t
think there’s any way you’re going to fail this exam.”
Cas nodded, confidence streaming into his body. He smiled gratefully at Dean
and kissed him on the nose. “Let’s eat.”
Dean smiled and took the other boy’s hand. “Let’s.” And as he looked at Cas he
took in more things that made the teen so much prettier in his eyes.
Chapter End Notes
     As you well know by now, I've been on quite the hiatus. I was stuck
     in this huge rut of writer's block and I honestly didn't know whether
     or not to even continue this story. I couldn't write anything until
     only recently and I found that I still love this story so much! I'm
     really sorry about being away for so long but I'm back and ready for
     action and I won't leave until it's done!
     ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Summary
     “To the end of high school and a wonderful future with the love of my
     life,” Dean stated as he clinked his glass with Cas’ gently. They
     sipped together as Cas blushed at Dean’s toast, forever certainly
     sounded nice.
     They sat, pressed against each other as the sun disappeared slowly,
     sipping champagne and eating chocolate covered strawberries as the
     sky filled with a hazy pinks and oranges. It was gorgeous, Cas
     couldn’t take his eyes off of it, but Dean couldn’t take his eyes off
     of Cas.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
As they laid in bed together later that night, they found themselves talking
about anything they could. Cas and Dean discussed any type of old pets,
favorite colors, favorite movies, etc. It was fun, they were holding hands as
they gazed at each other. Dean reached out and brushed his hand on Cas’ cheek,
the other leaning into the touch. “You’re so gorgeous…” He whispered, bringing
Cas’ lips to his own. “How did I get so lucky?”
 
Cas blushed and smiled happily. “I think I’m the one who got lucky, Dean.” He
put his hand over Dean’s and closed his eyes, savoring the moment.
 
Dean laid and memorized the way Cas’ eyelashes fell on his face, the way his
hair laid against the pillow, and the way the slight pink graced his cheeks
with his small smile as he leaned into Dean’s hand. Dean couldn’t really be
sure, but he could feel like something bad was going to happen, but maybe that
was just his imagination from everything being too good. But then again, being
afraid of negative things happening when that’s all you’re accustomed to is
nothing new. Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean finally. “Why are you
looking at me like that,” Castiel whispered, blinking gently and slowly a few
times to get his eyes used to the light.
 
“I just really don’t want to lose you,” Dean said back, getting closer to
Castiel, able to wrap an arm around the other’s waist and pull him into his
chest. “Can’t we just stay like this forever?”
 
Cas smiled a real happy smile and nodded. “I honestly think that we should. No
crazy drama from the rest of the world, nothing. Just me and you, and
happiness.” Slowly, both of their eyes closed and they fell asleep in each
other's arms and everything was perfect.
 
***********
 
Finals came and went in a flash, Castiel, Sam, and Charlie, of course, passing
all of them with flying colors, Dean, on the other hand; not so much. He’d
passed but only by the skin of his teeth. As the last day of school came
approaching quickly, so did the anniversary that Dean had discussed with Lisa.
Nothing was mentioned to Castiel, not even the slightest hint, and he was still
as blissfully clueless.
 
Graduation was now approaching swiftly, their last year of high school
together, except of course Sam, whom still had some schooling left to do. All
of this was almost shocking to Cas as he had always felt he wasn’t going to
make it through high school, by his own hand or that by his brothers. He was
graduating and he was happy, a combination of things, not entirely conceived in
his head.
 
Walking with Dean now to his car on the last day of school before college was
exhilarating. Castiel’s hand was intertwined in Dean’s and he was glad that he
didn’t have to go back to that place again except for graduation. “Come on Cas,
let’s go home and get changed, I have a little surprise for you,” Dean said
with a big happy smile.
 
Cas couldn’t stop the smile from breaking out on his face. Despite hating
surprises, he just might manage to like this one. “Can I have a hint as to what
it is?” All Dean did was shake his head as he opened Castiel’s car door for him
and let him in before he climbed into the driver's side and pulled out of the
school’s parking lot.
 
*********
 
Cas stood in his bedroom, well what was technically his, considering he slept
in the same room as Dean every night. He was nervous, actually nervous to be
going on the date with Dean. He was frantically searching his clothes, finding
things that he thought he would look good in but also too nervous to wear
something too nice. Cas had desperately called Charlie for help for picking out
clothes, whining about how he had nothing to wear.
 
“Cas, just pick something!”
“I can’t, Charlie. It’s too hard. There are too many choices.”
“Remember that shirt you never wore but I bought for you on your birthday? The
one with the bees?”
“Well yeah, I have it right here.”
There was a laugh through the phone. “So wear it, Cas. You know you looked
adorable in it.”
“What about pants? Do I wear pants or shorts? It might be too hot for pants,
but what if it’s too cold for shorts?”
There was a snickering. “Wear your capris, Cas”
He felt dumb, but he laughed it off. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Go get ‘em, tiger.”
Cas giggled and nodded, thanking her softly before he hung up. He took his time
getting dressed, the button up seeming a little tight, but he liked it that way
and he tugged on his capris. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at
himself in the mirror, giving himself a mini pep talk before there was a knock
at his door. Cas’ nerves shot through the roof and opened the door wide to show
Dean in the doorway. Cas stood nervously under Dean’s heavy stare.
 
Dean suddenly broke out in a large smile. “Oh my goodness, you look gorgeous
darlin’,” He said softly, taking both of Castiel’s hands in his own. “You are
simply stunning.” He whispered, unable to take his eyes off of Castiel. “I
don’t know much longer I can keep my hands off of you,” He teased, giving a
small wink and a chuckle. At all of Dean’s praise, Castiel was practically
going to become a permanent shade of light red, all the way to his ears. Dean
let go of one of Castiel’s hands, still holding one. “So are you ready to go?”
Cas looked down at himself and nodded.
 
Once they were downstairs and in the car, Dean turned to Cas and held up a
black tie. “Do you trust me?”
 
Cas nodded. “Yes, of course I do.” He mumbled gently. Dean nodded and slowly
leaned forward and wrapped the tie around Castiel’s eyes as a makeshift
blindfold. Cas took a deep breath to steady himself to stop any type of
flashbacks from occurring. There was a sound of the engine rumbling before they
started to move. Cas relaxed as much as he could, desperately wondering where
they were going and why. He wanted to know what the surprise was and was
thinking about how he could get the blindfold off without Dean noticing when
the car stopped. He heard Dean’s car door opening before his was opened and
Dean unbuckled his seatbelt before gently easing him out of the car. “Dean,
where are we going?” Cas asked softly, a small smile on his lips, he was being
guided gently, almost up a low hill.
 
There was a small chuckle in his right ear. “You’ll see, Cas.” One of Dean’s
hands was on his lower back, the other reaching around his back and holding his
hand. Cas was smiling like an idiot at this point, confused but happy he was
with Dean.
 
When they had they stopped walking after only a few minutes Dean delicately
untied the blindfold from Cas’ eyes, pulling it away slowly. Cas blinked and
looked around as his eyes adjusted. He saw a picnic blanket, with a
stereotypical basket and a few glasses with a bottle of champagne. Castiel
gasped, bringing a hand to mouth. “Wow… Dean…” He whispered in awe. He took in
the surroundings with a wide smile, an open field with sparsely placed trees,
one of which they were going to be seated underneath.
 
Dean grinned and took Cas’ hand and led him to the blanket. “I know, it’s kind
of cheesy, but I was hoping we could watch the sunset and drink champagne and
then look at the stars.” He said as they sat, a small blush on his cheeks.
“I’ve really wanted to do this for a little while, but I thought now was the
best time, no stress, finals done, your brothers gone. It’s perfect, don’t you
think?”
 
Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, hugging him. “Yes!” He
exclaimed happily. “It’s perfect Dean.” He smiled as he kissed the other teen
gently. “Thank you.” He sat back as Dean poured them some champagne in their
glasses.
 
“To the end of high school and a wonderful future with the love of my life,”
Dean stated as he clinked his glass with Cas’ gently. They sipped together as
Cas blushed at Dean’s toast, forever certainly sounded nice.
 
They sat, pressed against each other as the sun disappeared slowly, sipping
champagne and eating chocolate covered strawberries as the sky filled with a
hazy pinks and oranges. It was gorgeous, Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of it,
but Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of Cas. After finishing their glasses of
champagne, they had at least three more before they laid down on the ground,
Cas pointing to the sky with precision. “Dean, look it’s Sagittarius, and up is
Ophiuchus,” He continued to point. “Scorpius, and Libra.” He looked to Dean
with a wide smile.
 
Dean stared at Cas briefly before he leaned over to the other teen and kissed
him. As he kissed Castiel, he moved on top of the other, getting on all fours
above him, deepening the kiss. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck,
burying his fingers in the other’s hair, making a small sound. Maybe it was the
small amount of alcohol in their systems, but it didn’t seem like they were
going to stop this anytime soon and go back to stargazing.
 
Dean sank down to elbows, using one of his free hands to move down Cas’ body
gently, slipping under his shirt. His hand moved up, feeling Cas’ body beneath
his fingertips, loving even the scars that marred his torso. He pulled back
from the kiss briefly, sitting back to unbutton Cas’ shirt, his fingers were
fast to do so, ready to drink in Castiel’s bare body. He pushed the shirt aside
and stared at Cas. There was only one thought running through Dean’s head as he
did and it spilled out of his mouth. “You’re gorgeous”
 
His hands roamed freely over Castiel’s body, touching and feeling every dip and
curve as he bent and kissed Cas deeply once again, slowly both of his hands
slid up his body and gently rubbed over Castiel’s nipples, drawing out a small
whine of pleasure from the other teen. He gently pinched Cas’ perked nipples,
causing him to pull back from the kiss and moan. Cas quickly covered his mouth
with both of his hands to stop his moans from coming out. Dean looked at the
boy and shook his head. “You know I like hearing you moan,” He said softly,
removing Cas’ hands gently before heading back to his nipples as he kissed at
Cas’ neck and shoulders, biting a mark occasionally.
 
Dean’s hands slid further down Cas’ chest and stomach as he started to unbutton
the capris that Cas had on. He looked to Cas for confirmation and continued
when he saw the teen’s small nod. He pulled off Cas’ pants and boxers after
gently tugging off his shoes. Cas covered his face in his hands from
embarrassed, but Dean couldn’t be happier because Castiel looked gorgeous in
the moonlight. He ran his hands along Castiel’s inner thighs, drawing a quiet
moan from the other boy. Dean grinned, the sound was small but enough to keep
him going. He groped at the other teen, feeling the soft skin there. He bent
and bit at the flesh, sucking mark after mark in a line going up Castiel’s
thighs.
 
Dean moved back up Castiel’s body with gentle kisses as he took the other teens
erection into his hand feeling the other shudder as he did so. He kissed Cas
slowly and deeply as he languidly stroked the other. When he pulled back from
the kiss, Cas was panting and trying his best not to moan as Dean stroked him,
tangling and gently tugging on the other’s hair. “Dean…” The name rolled off of
Cas’ tongue as he moaned and Dean let a heavy breath against Cas’ ear, his own
little moan at the other.
 
Cas brought Dean back to the kiss, needy as he kissed him. Dean let go of Cas’
cock and the other responded by rolling his hips into the air gently to chase
the warmth of Dean’s hand. Dean smiled into the kiss and pulled back in favor
of ditching his own shirt and unbuttoning his jeans, wiggling out of them,
reaching into the picnic basket, pulling out some lube. He quickly returned to
Cas, kissing him before he spread some lube on his fingers. Dean leaned back
down, lips brushing against Cas’ ear before his bit lightly on his earlobe.
Tenderly, he pressed a finger to Castiel’s entrance and pushed his finger into
the other with gentle precision. He slowly began to move it, watching Castiel’s
reaction as he curled his finger a little, at least a few times before
Castiel’s eyes widened and he let out a small moan. Dean kept this up for a
while adding two more fingers before Cas was moaning against his lips.
 
Dean took his fingers from the other and put some lube on his erection before
slowly pushing into Cas. He took his time, not wanting to hurt the other but
also knowing he would probably be at least a little sore tomorrow. Castiel was
gripping at his back and Dean was almost glad that Cas had to keep his nails
short so he would scratch himself bloody. He bottomed out and stayed still for
some time before he slowly shifted his hips out and then back into the other.
There was no reaction from Cas, so he continued to move slowly. Cas wasn't
entirely used to tenderness when it came to sex, Lucifer had brutalized him so
many times he associated this was bad, but what Dean was doing felt good. The
slow movement of his hips plus the amount of time that he had spent building up
to this was beautiful, albeit a little clumsy, but it was perfect.
 
Thing built until Cas was moaning underneath Dean, the latter stroking
Castiel's cock in time with his thrusts. Cas was gripping at Dean, his hair,
his shoulders, his back, virtually anything he could hold onto, he did. As they
both neared their climax, Dean leaned down and sloppily kissed Cas before
kissing his forehead tenderly. “I love you, Cas,” the four words uttered
against his forehead was all it took before the other was coming. Cas had
moaned out his reply to Dean, “I love you too.” Dean continued to move inside
of Cas until he too, was coming inside of him. Dean panted for a second before
pulling out of Cas and laying next to him. He looked at Cas and kissed him
languidly and lovingly.
 
Cas lazily pointed to the sky. “That one is Libra.” Dean laughed, still panting
lightly, kissing him once again before deciding they had to get dressed and go
home. What a wonderful night it had been.


Chapter End Notes
     I'm so sorry this is late! But here it is, I hope you enjoyed, be
     sure to comment with an ill wishes or concerns about the story, I
     love reading them and it's what motivates me to keep writing
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Summary
     They both fell asleep and around 3 am, Cas woke up. He stretched a
     little and looked at the sleeping face of his best friend. He was so
     worried that he was going to be the target of his brothers, but he
     didn’t want to worry anyone else, so he decided that he wasn’t going
     to tell Dean. Cas slipped away from Charlie and started making his
     way upstairs. He got to his shared bedroom with Dean and found it
     exactly how he had left it, empty, bed made and lights off. Tears
     sprang in his eyes, he just wanted to snuggle up to his favorite
     person in the world and feel safe.
     He shook his head and went back to the basement. He took out his
     phone and sat down on the couch. ‘Where are you? I’m worried.’
     It was 10 minutes before he got a reply. ‘I’m fine. Go to sleep.’
     Castiel sighed lightly and looked at the message. ‘Okay. I love you,
     Dean. Goodnight.’
     There was no reply.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Charlie started to spend more and more time with Cas, eventually staying over
for a few nights after the graduation ceremony had occurred. Bobby was there to
support all of his little idjits during graduation, pictures now hanging on
walls of them in dumb robes with goofy smiles. Cas and Charlie were laying on
the floor in Cas’ room, talking about what they wanted to be when they got
accepted into their colleges.
 
Cas looked at Charlie. “Well, I think I want to be some kind of teacher. Maybe
work with children, make an impact on them so they do good in the future.” He
looked bright and happy as he smiled at her.
 
Charlie grinned back, but it wasn’t happy. She was still worried about Dean’s
conversation with Lisa, what did it mean? What was it all about? “I was
thinking about computer science. Be a super tech geek like I’ve always wanted.”
 
Cas looked away, still obviously happy. “I think you’ll do great, and if we
both get accepted at Boston, we’ll be close won’t we?”
 
Charlie let out a little laugh. “We’ll be 150 ft away, Cassie.”
 
Cas found himself laughing with her.
 
***********
 
It was the second week of July when Cas noticed Dean acting a little strangely.
It had been about three or four weeks since they had sex for the first time,
but Dean hadn’t done anything sexual with Cas after that. Dean started
drinking, at first only a little bit, some beer here or there, but as they
approached the third week of the month it got heavier and no matter what Cas
said, he couldn’t stop the other from doing it. He was starting to get worried.
 
One late evening, he grabbed Sam and pulled him aside. “Sam… I’m worried about
Dean, why is he acting like this. Why is he drinking so much? What’s going on?”
 
Sam sighed a little and looked down at the date on his watch. “In a few days,
it will be the anniversary of Dad’s death. Dean doesn’t take it well. He’s
going to get blackout drunk on the 19th and I just let him deal with it. He’s
inconsolable. I’m sorry Cas. It would maybe be better to keep your distance on
that day. Sometimes he gets violent and does things he always regrets.”
 
Cas was silent as Sam disappeared in the other direction. Why hadn’t Dean told
him? Why was this something that he didn’t want to say? What happened?
 
**************
 
As the nineteenth approached quickly, Cas was as sweet as ever to slightly
older teen, letting him do as he pleased and never pushing the subject of his
father. But perhaps he should’ve.
 
Dean often times pushed Cas away, but carefully as to not hurt the other boy,
just to get him out of his space and Cas let it go whenever it happened. He
would go to bed an hour before Dean, finding himself sleepier and sleepier as
the days went on, but he pushed his own needs aside and catered to Dean’s every
desire.
 
FOUR DAYS UNTIL THE 19th
 
Cas napped about half the day away, surprised when Dean didn't wake him up at
ten as per usual if he slept past six. He stretched and went to the bathroom.
Looking at himself in the mirror, he thought looked a little tired but he did
look healthy. He turned to the side and examined his stomach and he frowned at
what he saw. He was a little bloated or putting on some weight. Either way, he
didn’t like it. Cas shook his head to get rid of any negative thoughts and made
his way downstairs. He smelled food and his mouth watered. He walked quickly to
the kitchen, expecting to see Dean, but getting Bobby instead. He smiled
anyway. “Hi, Bobby.”
 
Bobby looked up at him, a little surprised. “What’re you doing here? I thought
I was alone.”
 
Castiel tilted his head as Bobby took down an extra plate for the still sleep
driven teen. “Where’s Dean?”
 
Bobby raised an eyebrow. “I thought he left with you. He got in the Impala this
morning and drove off, saying something about running errands. He might not be
home for a few more hours.”
 
Cas nodded, a little hurt that Dean didn’t even say goodbye, but he forced a
smile on his face. “Well anyways, good morning.”
 
Bobby gave a chuckle and moved away to show Cas the clock. “More like
afternoon, but sit down, I’ll get ya some food.”
 
Cas did as told, sitting at the table as he patiently waited for Bobby. His
phone buzzed in his pocket, showing a text from Charlie.
 
‘We have to talk soon, call me when you can.’
 
Cas frowned, but put his phone down to eat brunch with the gruff man.
 
***********
 
It was only about 40 minutes later that Cas gave in and called Charlie. She
answered after only a few rings. “Charlie? What’s wrong?”
 
He heard her sigh from the other end. “I… This is really big. I’ll have to tell
you in person, but tell Bobby to not answer the door for anybody. I’m bringing
some of  your favorite comfort foods and we can hole ourselves up in the
basement.”
 
“Charlie! Tell me what’s going on. Please.” His voice was urgent and he already
felt like crying.
 
“Cas… Someone got them out. Helped them escape.” Her voice could barely be
heard above a whisper. The phone slipped out of Cas’ hands as he felt all of
his perfect world come crashing around himself. He screamed as he crumbled to
the floor, anger and sadness ripping him to shreds. Bobby came rushing in,
placing a gentle hand on Castiel’s back in worry.
 
“Cas. What happened? What’s goin’ on?!”
 
Cas looked at Bobby, completely wrecked. “They got out.”
 
*********
 
Charlie sped her way down streets before she finally got to Bobby’s house,
seeing Cas on the floor, face red and streaked with tears and she knew he was
reliving any bad moment that he had with them. Every single second of his
torture. She also saw Bobby just sitting with him, at a loss for what to do,
but also knowing he shouldn’t leave the boy.
 
Charlie crouched on the floor and wrapped her arms around the teen. Bobby stood
and locked the door behind her. He needed Cas to feel as safe as possible, now
more than ever. “Cas listen to me. We’re going to go to the basement and watch
Disney movies and you can sleep if you want. We’re going to eat ice cream under
our favorite blankets and I even brought some new Rubik's cubes to solve.”
 
Castiel looked at Charlie and slowly his eyes stopped being glassed over.
“Really?” Charlie nodded and started to guide him to the basement that Bobby
had. He let her.
 
***********
 
They both fell asleep and around 3 am, Cas woke up. He stretched a little and
looked at the sleeping face of his best friend. He was so worried that he was
going to be the target of his brothers, but he didn’t want to worry anyone
else, so he decided that he wasn’t going to tell Dean. Cas slipped away from
Charlie and started making his way upstairs. He got to his shared bedroom with
Dean and found it exactly how he had left it, empty, bed made and lights off.
Tears sprang in his eyes, he just wanted to snuggle up to his favorite person
in the world and feel safe.
 
He shook his head and went back to the basement. He took out his phone and sat
down on the couch. ‘Where are you? I’m worried.’
 
It was 10 minutes before he got a reply. ‘I’m fine. Go to sleep.’
 
Castiel sighed lightly and looked at the message. ‘Okay. I love you, Dean.
Goodnight.’
 
There was no reply.
 
************
 
TWO DAYS UNTIL JULY 19th
 
Charlie was still staying over, glaring at Dean whenever Cas wasn’t looking.
Even if he was upset over his father he shouldn’t be pushing Cas around like
this. Cas always let it slide, he knew it was only two days until the
anniversary even if Dean hadn’t personally told him. Dean was barely talking to
him and Cas would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt him, but maybe he was just
overreacting.
 
Dean had started drinking by noon and ignored everyone, his head too overrun
with memories of John, slamming him into walls when something wasn’t done
right. Taking Sam’s beatings and always taking the blame so his brother
wouldn’t have to feel the fists collide with his stomach. It started when he
was 10 and Sam was 6. John would get drunk almost every night and if something
wasn’t cleaned or put away properly by his little brother, Dean would always
tell John it was him, so he would take John’s anger. It was the first time John
hit him. Dean cried for almost an hour after it happened and John let him.
 
Cas couldn’t get through to Dean, constantly trying still, despite Sam telling
him to just give up several times that day. Dean sat in the sickening silent
bedroom, tears in his eyes, unable to remember the past days from his constant
drunken stupor.
 
*********
JULY 19TH
 
Cas was shoved out of the house in the early morning by Sam. The door was
slammed behind him and no matter how hard Castiel rammed his fists into the
door, begging to be let back in, his calls were never answered.He gave up. He
sighed and slid down the door, head in his hands. He just wanted to help Dean,
to be there for him and to calm him down, to take the liquor from his hands
with gentle fingers and a calm smile and hold Dean until he stopped crying. Why
was Sam taking that liberty away from him? What was so terrible in his head
that he couldn’t tell Cas or even try to get help?
 
+++++
 
Dean woke up about 30 minutes after Cas slid down the door. His head was in
splitting pain with every step he took downstairs, everything was spinning and
he could barely stand. He still felt a little drunk. He plopped his body down
at the kitchen table and looked around at the emptiness. Where was everyone?
Did they all decide to leave just like his mother and John? He groaned and put
his head down. With fumbling fingers and chest heaving in pain at the thought
at everyone leaving him, he managed to get his phone. Dean brought the phone
close to his face but his vision was swimming and he called the first person
his finger landed on.
 
+++++
 
Somewhere in her mind, she knew she shouldn’t answer, but this was Dean calling
her, on the nineteenth. ‘He’s probably still drunk off his ass’ she thought as
she answered. “Hello?”
 
“Lisa? I need someone. Come over. Everyone’s gone.” It was the same story as
last year. And the year before that. Lisa sighed and shrugged, an evil smile
spreading across her lips as she hummed.
 
“I’ll be over in 20 minutes, Dean."
Chapter End Notes
     Hey! Posting this chapter a little late, I went on vacation and then
     got absolutely swamped by school work, but here it is. I hope you
     liked and I think that I'll post a new chapter every other week on
     Thursdays. Once a week would be too hard with editing and I think I
     would accidentally make the chapters too short in an effort to make a
     deadline and I don't want to disappoint you guys! Until next time~~
     uwu
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     The ride back to the house felt like an eternity. While they drove,
     Castiel took one of the rings and strung it around his neck with a
     chain that he bought. He was over the moon.
     They finally pulled up at the house, only a few lights on, including
     their bedroom, which meant either Dean was awake or he had fallen
     asleep with the light on. Either way, everything was going to be
     fine.
Chapter Notes
     Yes, this is a very /very/ late chapter. It does get angsty and I
     apologize in advance.
     I'm so sorry this is so late. Please enjoy!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
***This_Chapter_contains_graphic_description_of_self-harm/_suicide_attempt,
please_read_at_your_own_discretion***
 
Somewhere in her mind, she knew she shouldn’t answer, but this was Dean calling
her, on the nineteenth. ‘He’s probably still drunk off his ass’ she thought as
she answered. “Hello?”
 
“Lisa? I need someone. Come over. Everyone’s gone.” It was the same story as
last year. And the year before that. Lisa sighed and shrugged, an evil smile
spreading across her lips as she hummed.
 
“I’ll be over in 20 minutes, Dean.”
 
****************
 
Cas sat in the library with Charlie half of the day, silently crying as he read
books about how to help his significant other. “Charlie, I don’t get it.” He
said softly as he placed the book down, voice gently trembling. “Why is it that
he doesn’t tell me anything. I had to find out from Sam that he was hurting!
And I don’t even know the full reason. I understand their father is dead, but
that can’t be the only reason! Nobody just turns to heavy drinking because of a
parental death and to become violent?” Cas sighed and turned his sad eyes to
Charlie for help
 
She shrugged as her response and looked at him with almost sad eyes. “I don’t
know Cas, I really don’t know.” She reached out a gentle hand and placed it on
his. “But we can spend the day together. Just me and you. Go to the mall and
get him something nice. And then when we get home we can make him hot chocolate
and have a good time to make him feel better.”
 
Cas sniffled and nodded. “I think I would like that…” His voice was small but
he gave a smile to show that he really did enjoy the idea of helping Dean get
over whatever spell he was under. He was eager to leave the quiet space of the
library and he practically rushed Charlie out of there, slowly starting to feel
better.
 
*******
 
There was a knock on the door and Dean stumbled slightly to go answer it. He
knew he reeked of alcohol. He knew he shouldn't have called her. But Cas was
gone, who else in this world would like him after everything that happened? He
swung the door open and straightened up with a grin.
 
Lisa's black hair was perfectly curled and she was clad in a light pink dress
that fell to her mid-thigh. She stepped inside, the clicking of her heels
echoing through the empty house, save for Dean. She sent a searing smile his
way, looking up at him through her lashes. “Good morning, Dean.” Lisa basked in
the way his eyes took in what she was wearing. She was living for the way he
looked almost lustful for her already.
 
Dean shut the door behind her, hand reaching out to touch her waist and she let
him, she looked beautiful. “Good Morning, Lisa.” He said back, easing her
gently against the door with his body. He heard her gasp a little.
 
Lisa looked up at Dean, the same small seductive smile plastered on her face.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, delicately trapping him against her body.
“Why hello there Dean.”
 
Dean grinned and started to lean down, ready to kiss her into oblivion.
Suddenly her fingers were on his lips and her voice was soft and sultry when
she spoke. “What about your boyfriend, Castiel?”
 
“What boyfriend?” He asked with a smirk before his lips descended on hers in a
bruising kiss.
 
*******
 
They arrived at the mall, Cas’ eyes bright and unknowing of what was happening
back at the house; in their bedroom. He was holding Charlie's hand, smiling
happily as he looked at different shops. He turned to Charlie. “Do you think
rings would be too much? For going separate colleges and stuff?” He flushed,
almost embarrassed.
 
Charlie smiled reassuringly. “I'm sure that he'll love them. And if you get one
that's not his size you can get a chain for it and he can wear it,” She nodded.
 
Cas lit up once again. “Yea!” He walked faster to the jewelry store. He saw two
rings that he knew he wanted to get. They weren't overly expensive, but they
were perfect for the two of them. He chose the gemstones, two different ones.
The one for Dean had a sapphire above the emerald while the one he got for
himself had the emerald above the sapphire. The store clerk was very nice as he
talked about the kind that he wanted. He was grateful as the clerk helped him
and just talked to him.
 
The store clerk pointed to Charlie, who was waiting by the door. “Is that the
lucky lady?”
 
Cas simply flushed and shook his head with a small smile. “No, that's my best
friend, she's here for moral support, can I get a small engraving?”
 
The clerk nodded. “The same on both or separate? And may I inquire about who is
getting the ring?”
 
“The same on both, please. Can you please do, ‘C+D’” Cas smiled at the woman.
“And he is amazing and very kind. I think that getting us rings for when I go
to Boston for college would be a sweet notion, for him to keep me close to him
while I'm across the country”
 
The clerk smiled kindly and nodded. “That is very kind of you. The rings will
be ready in several hours. We can call you to inform you when they're
complete.”
 
Cas nodded and thanked her, walking back to Charlie brightly. She moved from
the wall and held out her hand. “Where to, Cassie,” She grinned and started to
walk away from the store.
 
Cas smiled brightly. “Anywhere”
 
***********
 
Bobby and Sam came home after a few hours. It was around 4 o'clock. Sam saw
Lisa's purse hanging on the staircase handrail and he paled. He knew right away
how badly Dean had screwed up. Sam felt his hands go clammy and he felt sick,
this was his fault. He should've just let Cas stay, this never would've
happened. He closed his eyes tightly and willed it all to be a dream. He opened
his eyes and he knew it wasn't.
 
But he certainly wasn't going to be the one to tell Cas.
 
************
 
Cas and Charlie flitted around the mall, trying on various clothes they
wouldn't buy and having fun as they waited for the rings to be done. At one
point, Charlie had managed to get Cas into a dress. He was blushing the whole
time and Charlie had actually considered buying it for him because ‘goddamn how
could he be so damn curvy? When did that happen?’ She certainly tried to, but
Cas was vehemently opposing it, desperate to make sure she didn't buy it.
Charlie laughed but caved in, not buying it, but keeping it in mind.
 
They spent hours eating and laughing before Castiel's phone rang, he answered,
smiling. The rings were ready. He checked the time, thanked the woman and
looked at Charlie, eyes bright and happy. “Let's go!” He took her hand and
practically dragged her to the jewelry store.
 
It was 9 when he grabbed the rings, neatly tucked into the bag. He smiled
fondly and started to walk out with Charlie. Castiel was extremely happy, the
smile wide on his face.
 
The ride back to the house felt like an eternity. While they drove, Castiel
took one of the rings and strung it around his neck with a chain that he
bought. He was over the moon. They finally pulled up at the house, only a few
lights on, including their bedroom, which meant either Dean was awake or he had
fallen asleep with the light on. Either way, everything was going to be fine.
 
Castiel smiled as he walked up the stairs, eyes glazing over the pink purse on
the handrail, not even taking notice as he walked quietly. He took a deep
breath as he approached the bedroom, it was quiet inside, save for a few gentle
breaths and even those were barely heard. He walked into their bedroom, his
eyes down, hands clutching the gift in his hand. He looked up at Dean still
smiling, he found Lisa’s bare back, hair falling down it, Dean’s hands holding
her hips. His smile dropped immediately as the bag slipped from his grasp,
unable to stop the tears from falling in waterfalls down his face, mouth open
slightly in shock but no sound escaping. Castiel couldn’t remember the last
time he cried this hard, his world that he built all day came crashing down.
Everything was flashing before his eyes, Dean protecting him from his brothers,
laughing as they threw cupcakes at the bullies, their date under the stars, and
graduation. The only sound that he made was the smallest of all gasps and the
gentle thud of the bag hitting the floor.
 
Lisa flicked her head over her shoulder, smirking when she saw a crumbling
Castiel. Dean looked over lazily, paling and becoming almost instantly sober.
He knew he had fucked up royally, he got ahead of himself, pushed Cas away and
now he was going to pay for it. “C-cas?” He managed to croak, his heart heaved
out of guilt, he thought that Cas was gone, just up and left him, but now here
he was, silently sobbing as he found Lisa on top of him.
 
Castiel shook his head, taking small steps back as he slammed the door behind
him. He ran, he couldn’t breathe and he certainly couldn’t think. He ran
downstairs, choking back sobs as he slammed open the front doors and crumbled
on the porch, clutching the necklace in his hands. Charlie was gone and he was
alone, the only thing accompanying his echoing sob was the moon. Even the wind
was silent as he grieved. He stood slowly and wiped his tears with the back of
his sleeve. He turned and walked back inside as Lisa was walking down the
stairs. She grabbed Castiel's arm with a sickeningly strong grip. “I win,
slut.” She purred out before she was out the door.
 
Cas looked down at the ground, tears still streaming even though he didn't want
them to. He climbed the stairs with small steps, breath quivering. He truly
felt he had nothing. Everything was wrenched from him, and on top of that,
Michael and Lucifer were still out looking for him. He calmly walked into their
shared bedroom, eyes grazing over Dean and moving to his things that he had
slowly integrated into the room. He picked them up one by one and started
walking out once again. Dean placed a gentle hand on Castiel's arm to stop him.
“Cas…”
 
Castiel didn't turn but he stopped walking. “Get your fucking hands off of me,”
He said softly.
 
Dean looked startled, hand still on Cas it was the first time he had heard
Castiel curse. “What?”
 
Cas turned, anger in his tear-filled eyes. “I said, Get. Your. Fucking. Hands.
Off of me.”
 
Dean dropped his arm, looking at the bag on the ground, a frown forming.
Castiel whirled around and walked out, putting his stuff in his bedroom before
he slammed and locked the door. He looked around the room, darkness surrounding
him, only a thin piece of metal glittering in the almost pitch black room. He
eyes it from across the room, walking towards it in a trance.
 
Was he really so disgusting and undesirable? Was he really so unattractive? Was
everything a lie?
 
The feeling of pain spread up his arm, shocking him out of his thoughts. The
tingles he had longed for so long as the deep red liquid beaded on the pale
skin of his arm. Slice after slice into his skin, each one deeper than the
last. He held the blade gently, blood dripping down his fingertips. Castiel
took quiet steps to the bathroom, taking his phone out of his pocket and
dialing Charlie's number but not actually pressing call yet. He reached out
with his unmarred arm and turned the bathtub on, watching as the water filled
the tub. He let it run as he climbed in, water sloshing over the sides. He was
drenched in water, clothes soaked, water chilling him. He pressed the button.
 
Charlie answered within a few rings. “Hey, Cas! What's up?”
 
Castiel felt the tears rise in his eyes, it was great to hear her voice and his
chest constricted guiltily as he looked at the water that was starting to turn
pink. He placed the phone down and had her on speaker as he turned off the
water. “H-hey, Charlie,” He said softly as he stared at his small reflection in
the blade in his hand. “I uh… I just wanted to say thank you,” Another cut was
added, deeper on his right forearm, blood spilled into the water. “For
everything. And I'm sorry.”
 
He could practically hear Charlie's frown through the phone. “What are you
sorry for Cas?” Her voice started to sound far away. “Cas?!”
 
His voice was soft as his eyes fluttered. “Goodbye, Charlie.”
 
----------
 
Charlie was screaming into the phone, calling out the Castiel desperately. She
hung up and called 911, tears blurring her vision as she sped to Bobby’s house.
She was still on the phone with 911, voice trembling as she slammed open the
doors to Bobby's house, tripping over herself to get upstairs to Cas.
 
She heard Bobby's gruff voice, asking what the hell was going on. Charlie
didn't say. She cried as she slammed her body into Cas’ bedroom door. 911 was
staying on the line as they sent an ambulance over to the house. She was
sobbing as she smashed her fist onto the door, desperate.
 
Bobby grabbed her shoulders to stop her. “Charlie, what is happening.”
 
Charlie looked at him, hair wild and eyes brimming with tears. “Cas” She
croaked. “He... He said he was sorry and he just said goodbye and he wasn't
responding. I need... we need to get him out”
 
Bobby nodded and let go of her, disappearing into his bedroom to get a set of
large keys. He slid the key into the door handle and opened it. Charlie slipped
into Castiel's bedroom as Dean came out of his. Bobby put a hand on Dean's
chest to stop him from going inside. “No Dean. Not you.” He said, he was still
upset with Dean for the decisions he had made today.
 
Dean frowned and glared but he knew he deserved it, he was so worried about Cas
it was practically eating him alive. He was practically scum of the earth for
what he did. He wanted to apologize and try to fix the things he had done and
he knew it wouldn't be right away, but he was willing to try and try to talk
about it. Dean just wanted Cas and he felt so terrible having caused Cas such
anguish.
 
Charlie saw the blood dotted on the floor and she slammed open the door,
crumbling to the floor. The water was pink, the blood-soaked razor blade laying
next to the tub. He looked positively lifeless. She crawled to him, yelling out
sobs. She wrapped her arms around his body, tugging him out of the tub, closing
her fingers around his cuts in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. “Cas!
Cas Please! Please…”
Chapter End Notes
     I'm thinking this story is just about halfway over. I'm looking to
     finish this at around 30, but it might be less (It will probably be a
     little less). I look forward to you reading the next chapter.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!
